Submitted by allison (not verified) on Fri, 07/18/2008 - 12:30pm.
i have been suffering from pmdd since i was 14 years old. i am now 32. i have not been able to go to school, i do not have any friends, my own family thinks i am crazy and they don't understand why i don't just "snap out of it for god's sake! shit, allison, we go through this crap every gd month!" i cannot hold a job because the symptoms last at least 2 weeks out the month, every month. i have tried to commit suicide so many times that it is a miracle i'm alive, or i really did die and am living in some kind of hell world. i have tried natural cures, major detoxifications, eating right and exercising, and have ended up on pharmaceuticals that help with the regular everyday depression of being a loser on disability and the acute loneliness of not being able to have anyone love me because i'm a crazy person 1/2 the time. i hsve horrible scars on my body from some of the attempts and am currently nursing a new one. i hear that women with pmdd are extremely likely to have major depression issues during menopause. i feel hopeless. i thought the only way to solve this problem would be to have my ovaries removed, but am too scared of the artificial hormones i would have to take so i didn't grow a beard or have my tits deflate and look like 2 slices of pizza. how could i possibly handle those hormones when i completely lose my mind when i take any kind of hormonal birth control?! of course, who needs birth control when you are a complete lunatic 1/2 the month. nobody likes that girl. what i don't understand is why i'm not dead. my attempts have not been for show, and no one knows about that part of my life except for the 2 attempts that put me in the hospital. i'm only 5'3'' and weigh 105 lbs. i know the pills i have tried to overdose on would kill a horse. i know the amount and duration of breathing in car exhaust would have killed anybody. there were numerous times that i had to stop breathing in fumes in the sealed up garage, because after about 45 minutes, i would get so damn hot (i live in texas) i would just have to go jump in the pool. i have lost so much blood that i couldn't walk a straight line or drive a vehicle for over 2 weeks because i was so weak and light headed. maybe i am dead and cannot die again. at any rate, i live like the insane crazy ghost of a dead person who only feels human for just a few short days.
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PMDD HELL WORLD
i have been suffering from pmdd since i was 14 years old. i am now 32. i have not been able to go to school, i do not have any friends, my own family thinks i am crazy and they don't understand why i don't just "snap out of it for god's sake! shit, allison, we go through this crap every gd month!" i cannot hold a job because the symptoms last at least 2 weeks out the month, every month. i have tried to commit suicide so many times that it is a miracle i'm alive, or i really did die and am living in some kind of hell world. i have tried natural cures, major detoxifications, eating right and exercising, and have ended up on pharmaceuticals that help with the regular everyday depression of being a loser on disability and the acute loneliness of not being able to have anyone love me because i'm a crazy person 1/2 the time. i hsve horrible scars on my body from some of the attempts and am currently nursing a new one. i hear that women with pmdd are extremely likely to have major depression issues during menopause. i feel hopeless. i thought the only way to solve this problem would be to have my ovaries removed, but am too scared of the artificial hormones i would have to take so i didn't grow a beard or have my tits deflate and look like 2 slices of pizza. how could i possibly handle those hormones when i completely lose my mind when i take any kind of hormonal birth control?! of course, who needs birth control when you are a complete lunatic 1/2 the month. nobody likes that girl. what i don't understand is why i'm not dead. my attempts have not been for show, and no one knows about that part of my life except for the 2 attempts that put me in the hospital. i'm only 5'3'' and weigh 105 lbs. i know the pills i have tried to overdose on would kill a horse. i know the amount and duration of breathing in car exhaust would have killed anybody. there were numerous times that i had to stop breathing in fumes in the sealed up garage, because after about 45 minutes, i would get so damn hot (i live in texas) i would just have to go jump in the pool. i have lost so much blood that i couldn't walk a straight line or drive a vehicle for over 2 weeks because i was so weak and light headed. maybe i am dead and cannot die again. at any rate, i live like the insane crazy ghost of a dead person who only feels human for just a few short days.