Bipolar Disorder and the Creative Genius
Biology 202
1998 Third Web Reports
On Serendip
Bipolar Disorder and the Creative Genius
HimaBindu K Krishna
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a psychopathology that affects approximately 1% of the population. (1) Unlike unipolar disorder, also known as major affective disorder or depression, bipolar disorder is characterized by vacillating between periods of elation (either mania or hypomania) and depression. (1, 2) Bipolar disorder is also not an illness that remedies itself over time; people affected with manic depression are manic-depressives for their entire lives. (2, 3) For this reason, researchers have been struggling to, first, more quickly diagnose the onset of bipolar disorder in a patient and, second, to more effectively treat it. (4) As more and more studies have been performed on this disease, the peculiar occurrence between extreme creativity and manic depression have been uncovered, leaving scientists to deal with yet another puzzling aspect of the psychopathology. (5)
Patients with bipolar disorder swing between major depressive, mixed, hypomanic, and manic episodes. (1-9) A major depressive episode is when the patient has either a depressed mood or a loss of interest/pleasure in normal activities for a minimum of two weeks. Specifically, the patient should have (mostly): depressed mood for most of the day, nearly every day; diminished interest or pleasure in activities; weight loss or gain (a difference of 5% either way in the period of a month); insomnia or hypersomnia; psychomotor agitation or retardation; fatigue or loss of energy; diminished ability to think or concentrate; feelings of worthlessness; recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal ideation or attempt. It is important to note that, except for the last symptom, all of these symptoms must be present nearly every day. (2, 7) In addition to major depressive episodes, patients with manic depression also feel periods of hypomania. A hypomanic episode must be a period of at least four days, during which the affected person feels elevated or irritated--a marked difference from the depressed period. (2, 7) The symptoms are: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need for sleep, more talkative than usual, flight of ideas or racing thoughts, distractibility, psychomotor agitation or an increase in goal-directed activity, excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that may have negative consequences. (2, 7) This change in mood is observable by others and medications, substance abuse, or another medical condition does not cause the symptoms. (7)
In contrast to hypomania is mania, which is a more extreme case of hypomania. A manic episode is a period of an elevated or irritable mood for at least one week. (2, 7) The symptoms must cause problems in daily functioning and cannot be caused by a medical condition or drugs. (7) Manic symptoms are: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need for sleep, more talkative than usual, flight of ideas or racing thoughts, attention easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant items, increase in goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation, and excessive involvement in pleasurable activities which may have negative consequences. (2, 7) Lastly, bipolar disorder patients may also go through mixed episodes, which are periods when the patient meets the criteria for both a manic episode and a major depressive episode every day for at least one week. (2,7)
Due to the different mood phases, which the patient may experience, the DSM-IV (diagnostic manual of American Psychologists) has categorized two different types of bipolar disorder, I and II.
Bipolar I is characterized as any one of the following variations:
1. The patient having a manic episode without precedence of a depressive episode
2. Most recently in a hypomanic episode with at least one previous manic or mixed episode
3. Most recently in a manic episode with at least one previous major depressive episode, manic episode, or mixed episode
4. Most recently a mixed episode with at least one previous major depressive episode, manic episode, or mixed episode. (7)
Subsequently, Bipolar II is characterized as the presence or history of one or more major depressive episodes and at least one hypomanic episode, without a precedence of a manic or mixed episode. (7, 1) One of the problems with diagnosing bipolar disorder is that the symptoms may not be incredibly noticeable until the disease has progressed to a dangerous point. (4) The disorder is such that a manic phase may only last a few hours at a time. (4) That is, the episode can proceed as a few hours of mania every day for at least one week. The affected person may not mind the mania or may be in denial of the disease, and since it only lasts a few hours, no one else may even notice. (4) By the time people actually begin to notice the manic-depressive cycle (or just the mania) it has already reached a point where the patient is barely able to function normally. (4) In addition, many clinicians have difficulty first differentiating between bipolar I and bipolar II. Since the types of patients, lengths of episodes, and age of onset are very similar, the only diagnostic tool is the difference between mania and hypomania. Since the symptoms are basically the same, except for the understanding that mania is one step more severe than hypomania, many clinicians fluctuate between the two subsets before diagnosing the patient. (4) Studies are still being conducted to more accurately and quickly distinguish bipolar I patients from bipolar II patients.
Researchers are still questioning the cause of manic depression. The most popular theory is that the disorder is caused by an imbalance of norepinephrine and serotonin. (1) During manic periods there are unusually high levels of norepinephrine and serotonin while, during depressed periods, there are unusually low levels. (1) The biological explanation is also supported by strong genetic inheritance. Many twin studies have been performed which have shown a predominance of bipolar disorder among monozygotic (identical) and dizygotic (fraternal) twins, with a greater chance of inheritance in monozygotic twins. Other studies have shown that bipolar patients often have a family history of both bipolar and unipolar disorder. (2) In addition to these studies, the fact that the most common method of treatment for bipolar disorder is medication testifies to the validity of the biological theory of causation.
Treatment for manic depression consists of mood stabilizers, medications that balance the manic and depressive states experienced by patients with bipolar disorder. (6) The most common treatment, or the first medication attempted, is Lithium. Lithium increases the serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake, this causes its counterbalancing effects of mania and depression. (6, 8) Research shows that Lithium alters NA transport and may interfere with ion exchange and nerve conduction. (8) Another effect of Lithium is its ability to inhibit second-messenger systems. These systems regulate cell cycling and circadian rhythms. Cell cycling and circadian rhythms, in turn, dictate the frequency and duration of the manic-depressive moods. (6, 9) However, many patients do not respond to Lithium. Some say that this is due to the drug, while others maintain that it is due to lack of consistency in taking the drug. (6) It has been shown that Lithium in not effective for all types of bipolar disorder, so other medications have been produced to help Lithium resistant individuals. (6, 8)
Anticonvulsants are the second attempted medications to alleviate the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Valproate (VPA) and Carbamazepine (CBZ) are the two most commonly prescribed. VPA has the same efficacy as Lithium for decreasing mania as well as acting faster, which is important to some patients. (6) However, the exact mechanism of action is still unclear. Research indicates that VPA may be involved with gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). VPA may either enhance GABA receptor activity and/or inhibit its metabolism. (6) CBZ has similar effects as VPA. That is, CBZ is also an anticonvulsant that alleviates the symptoms of mania, and possibly depression. Unlike VPA, more is known on the mechanism of CBZ. CBZ has been associated with neurotransmitter and ion-channel systems. (6) It binds to voltage-sensitive sodium channels, decreasing the sodium influx. It promotes potassium conductance and may block dopamine receptor-mediated currents. (6) Medication seems to be the best treatment to date for bipolar disorder. Psychotherapy is also helpful, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy, which focuses on readjusting patient's perceptions of life. (2, 3) However, patients still experience symptoms to one degree or another.
Though this psychopathology is not for one to wish, one interesting association with bipolar disorder is the creativity of those afflicted. (2, 3, 5, 7) This is not the normal creativity experienced by the above-average people (on the scale of creativity). This creativity is the creative genius, which is so rare, yet an inordinate percentage of the well-known creative people were/are afflicted with manic depression. (2, 3) Among the lengthy list are: (writers) F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath; (poets) William Blake, Sara Teasdale, Walt Whitman, Ralph Waldo Emerson; (composers) Rachmaninoff, Tchaikovsky. (10) Psychiatrists, realizing a connection greater than coincidence, have performed studies all over the world in an attempt to establish a link between bipolar disorder and creativity. (5) In the 1970s, Nancy C. Andreasen of the University of Iowa examined 30 creative writers and found 80% had experienced at least one episode of major depression, hypomania, or mania. (5) A few years later Kay Redfield Jamison studied 47 British writers, painters, and sculptors from the Royal Academy. She found that 38% had been treated for bipolar disorder. In particular, half of the poets (the largest group with manic depression) had needed medication or hospitalization. (5) Researchers at Harvard University set up a study to assess the degree of original thinking to perform creative tasks. They were going to rate creativity in a sample of manic-depressive patients. Their results showed that manic-depressives have a greater percentage of creativity than the controls. (5) There have been biographical studies of earlier generations of artists and writers which show that they have 18 times the rate of suicide (as compared to the general population), 8-10 times the rate of unipolar depression, and 10-20 times the rate of bipolar depression. (5) The additive results of these studies provide ample evidence that there is a link between bipolar disorder and creative genius. The question now is not whether or not there exists a connection between the two, but why it exists.
One common feature in mania or hypomania is the increase in unusually creative thinking and productivity. (2, 3, 5, 7) The manic factor contributes to an increased frequency and fluency of thoughts due to the cognitive difference between normalcy and mania. (2, 5) Manic people often speak and think in rhyme or alliteration more than non-manic people. (2, 5) In addition, the lifestyles of manic-depressives in their manic phase is comparable to those of creative people. Both groups function on very little sleep, restless attitudes, and they both exhibit depth and emotion beyond the norm. (2, 5) Biologically speaking, the manic state is physically alert. That is, it can respond quickly and intellectually with a range of changes (i.e. emotional, perceptual, behavioral). (5) The manic perception of life is one without bounds. This allows for creativity because the person feels capable of anything. It is as if the walls, which inhibit the general population, do not exist in manic people, allowing them to become creative geniuses. They understand a part of art, music, and literature which normal people do not attempt. The manic state is in sharp contrast to the depressive phase of bipolar patients. In their depressed phase, patients only see gloom and boundaries. They feel helpless, and out of this helplessness comes the creativity. (5) The only way bipolar patients can survive their depressed phases, oftentimes, is to unleash their despondency through some creative work. (5, 3)
Since the states of mania and depression are so different, the adjustment between the two ends up being chaotic. Looking at some works of literature or music, it can be noticed which phase the creator was in at the time of composition. In works by Sylvia Plath, for example, the readers may take notice of the sharp contrast among chapters. Some chapters she is full of hope and life, while other chapters read loneliness and desolation. Another example can be found in Tchaikovsky's music; there is a great variation among his compositions concerning their tone, tempo, rhythm, etc. In fact, some say that most actual compositions result from this in-between period because this is the only time when the patient can physically deliver something worthwhile. (3) Because the phases are so chaotic, the ideas float during the manic and depressive states, but the final, developed products are formed during the patients' "normal" phases.
However, the problem with bipolar disorder in present time is that drug treatment often vanquishes the creativity in the patient. (5) In earlier days when drug therapy was not implemented, the creativity would be free. Yet, through the attempt for affected people to cope with day to day living, their creativity must be sacrificed. It is remarkable how these "afflicted" persons exude extraordinary creativity. Therapists and researchers are on the constant search to provide treatment for the debilitating symptoms. In the case of bipolar disorder, the world benefits from the mood swings endured by a large percentage of these patients. Though their ability to function properly is of utmost concern, since the cycling between manic and depressive phases is so traumatic and energy depleting, the unusual existence of creativity of such caliber in these people is something to conserve. As more effective drug treatment is being sought after, hopefully there will be medication that will permit the creative genius of the patients and allow them to function in society as well.
Bibliography
1. http://www.healthguide.com/Bipolar/BASICS.htm
2. Rescorla, Leslie. Psychology 209, Abnormal Psychology. Bryn Mawr College, Apr 1998.
3. http://www.Scruznet.com/`Crawford/Madness/
4. http://www.medscape.com/Medscape/M5/mh3183.bowden/mh3183.bowden.html
5. http://www.schizophrenia.com/ami/Cnsmer/creative.html
6. http://www.medscape.com/Medscape/M7/mh3206.bowden/mh3206.bowden.html
7. http://www.cmhc.com/disorders/sx20.htm
8. http://www.usask.ca/psychiatry/bipolar2.html
9. http://www.mhsource.com/edu/psytimes/p960533.html
10. http://www.pendulum.org/misc/famous.htm
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12/21/2005, from a Reader on the Web Just glanced at your bipolar/creativity article. I'm afraid that mis-conceptions like symptom remision interfering with creativity is cited as reasons for people with bipolar disorder to discontinue any form of treatment. Although I don't have the references with me, a survey of the literature now (look for Richard's work with the Lifetime Creativity Scales) would suggest that it isn't people with full-blown mental illness that are creative (as behaviours such as apathy and psycho-motor retardation or grandiosity and poor impulse control would impede production of creative works), it is actually those with sub-syndromal mental illness (a partial expression of a genetic pheontype perhaps identifiable in family members or muted psychiatric symptoms) that are more creative. That research lab has also found that creativity actually goes down in people with full blown mental illness. I think this speaks to the importance of managing one's symptoms so that one can use the gifts that this style of thinking can afford. While this discussion needs greater space than comments can afford, I would caution people from making medical decisions based off of the few emminent people that do come to our attention with mental illness, rather than research conducted on everyday people. I would also make the caution that if a person with bipolar disorder does feel they are finally comming around and they suddenly have a tonne of creative ideas, please pace yourself and take steps to limit what could be another manic episode. Other creativity research will tell you that creative endeavour for MOST people is much like a marathon....if you sprint for the first half the race, you'll hit the wall in the second half. However, if you pace yourself (perhaps by keeping a book of creative ideas that can be explored later), you are much more likely to have a better overall performance and finish the race. David Armstrong
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The trouble was, whatever I was writing, I believed afterwards anyways, was a sort of prophesy - such that when you are writing, you don\'t know what the prophecy is at the time - you are not sure what the thoughts mean or where they came from. So it is just a very intense experience. I was able to hike with more strength as well I remember, it isn't just your brain that is operating at a very high "RPM."
So I agree with HimaBindu that an organized creative bipolar type would harness the creativity while they were fully manic, and save it, then fine tune it later after getting through the months of nasty depression which is the price of full blown mania (what goes up must come down.)
I also agree somewhat to Armstrong's comment, that ideas might be more useable, down to earth, less prophetic in nature, and less grandiose (if you listen to a lot of the classical music from famous composers - you could almost define the great ones as grandiose.) An exception might be art, music, and certain writings. So that really depends on what is being created. Creating a concept for an advertisement would probably be better done while hypomanic than manic, as this is a not so grandiose creation. While classical music might require a grandiose mood to come up with a great composition in the first place.
It is interesting to note, that I can turn on the creativity anytime I want, just by shorting myself with sleep. I don't know why this is the case. All people I think get a little "silly" and creative when they lack sleep don't they? This is more pronounced when you have bipolar. It seems as if the logical part of your mind gets exhausted and is not used much, while the creative side becomes dominant and does not get exhausted, rather it seems to get energized.
One possibility would be to look at bipolar and mania, rather than as a genetic flaw, it may be it is the opposite end of the envelope - that bipolars are pushing the envelope of creativity as an evolutionary stretch - that perhaps the human species mind is evolving to become more creative. That one day you could be fully manic your entire life, without crashing into depression, and live a richer life as a result. The "Kingdom of God" that Jesus spoke of (who some people think was bipolar by the way) could actually be a mental heaven that our species is progressing towards. Towards enlightenment I guess you could say. I realize I am getting a bit grandiose with this evolutionary possibility, but anything is possible, so I wouldn't write it entirely off as out of touch with reality. Some authors seem to also think there is a link between mania and spirituality, and I think that is along the same lines of what I just mentioned ... Jim, 16 June 2006
From my knowledge of manic-depression, and as a type I manic-depressive myself, I agree with Armstrong ... Douglas Lucas, 19 July 2006
I finally found a clue that might help me and others about the Bipolar Disorder Creative Genius. I have severe chronic back pain and have to take strong pain killers and muscle relaxants. I have been detoxed twice in a hospital ward for drug addiction. I made the decision to enter on my own. I hate taking the meds and the way they make me feel but each time I have had to go back and get the meds for pain. That's my history but the first time I detoxed and the place that I was in there was some really weird things going on and others thought so too. Anyway they were jacking with my thyroid. The Doctor said my test showed borderline and then he said "I'm going to give you some thyroid medicine;sometimes you can jumpstart a thyroid.Each time the Nurse would bring my meds I would look at them and ask her what they were even though I had it all memorized. I knew them by their shape and color. So rather wait till after a group therapy session to give me some meds she just comes over where I am sitting and tells me here is another med for you. It was like nothing I had ever seen before but she tells me it was thyroid medicine. I was so wired I felt like I was going for the moon. Iwas a total nervous wreck but I had to fight the horrible nervousness constantly. And for some reason (how about in the name of science!)they started giving us intelligence tests. The therapist giving the test said it was a test that they gave Marines and that seldom does anyone score 1 and extremely rare for anyone to score 2. Another part of the test was to score your answers by how close they came to being right or something like that. Anyway I was already sailing in outer space a bit,soI sailed right through this test never thinking twice about my choices because we were being timed also. All I know is I am no genius and my scores were off the charts you might say. I had the two answers that were rarely answered correctly and I scored 37 points. In comparison to everyone else in the room and their being on the low end, No one even got 1 on the first part of the tests and the scores on the other part were like 12 to 17. What was going on in my brain I haven't a clue. Everyone that was in this ward of only 16 people felt like we were being used like lab rats. It is a very long and complicated story that I won't get into any further ... Linda Rivers, 22 May 2007
Im 17 and I think that Im
Im 17 and I think that Im bipolar II, I mean I dont have a diagnose I just came from a depressive state were life sucked, and I wnated to kill myself, and I just wanted to be alone all the time. Im from Latin America, and for us family is everything, and we allways like to be together everytime. It was difficult for me to explain them that I didnt know what was happening to me. they called me mean or that it was just teenage stuff or whwn I told them I felt alone they were like aaa you want a boyfriend they just didnt get it!. I felt bad it felt like I wasnt worth it, the love I recieved from them. the support I recieved from them I felt like it was a lie because I just wasnt good enough. I really contemplated suicide I hated life. and I hated the fact thata so many people REALLY BELIEVED IN ME Right now I ve waken up Im normal I guess like I have the same dreams and hopes I ve allways have, like I believe is possible, I can touch the sky if I wnat to, I believe its all in the mind.in the past week I have writen A LOT! and for me thats awesome because Im use to write and in my depressive state I just simply couldnt I didnt even try to because i was like you a writer? ha! common!. Im 17 so its normal to compare with others, I compared with my friends and I allways knew I wasnt like them even thou I try so hard to be as them I have a different perception of world listen to different music, read a lot, write, talk about dimensions and frecuencies and our big cosmic brothers and stuff they just dont get I was allways what they concider weird.. so it wasnt a teenage stuff like my mom said In a way im sad its not a teenage thing because right now I feel good but what about 2 months from now? the depression will knock my door and I ll have to recieve it knowing that its not visiting me just because Im on my teens, that it will visit me ALL MY LIFE. right now life is good! the world is smiling with me:):) I feel invincible! right now I think wtf was a thinking Im so lucky Im young I can achieve anything I want! why would I give up? the stars are roses sended by God for us, I believe everybody haves a mission. maybe its because I was raised in a very spiritual family i dont know, but I do believe God works in misterious ways, he gives us the blessing of looking at the world as it truly is with OUR SOULS, but then we are not lucky enough because we have our depressions and we see the world as the rest see it with the SOCIETY EYES which is BORING and for such sensitive human beings like us it just hits us, and it hurts in places were nobody knows they exist.
In my little knowings of metaphisics, buddhism,spiritualism, etc I believe we were just simply not connected right to the earth thatas why we change moods. we have the ability to be ONE WITH EVERYTHING. but then the EGO pushes us to ¨REALITY¨ and we are afraid we are not good enough, because we are different than the laws and ethic rules said in reality wich really is an optical illusion. I wish I could believe everything Im saying when Im taking a walk in my shadow, in my depressive state.
well Im sorry Im sure I had a lot orthographic and grammatical mistakes sorry Im from Ecuador. and the ideas just keep coming tomy head If only I oculd write faster.. well beautiful and enlighted human beings Im very thankfull knowing Im not alone. thank you for your existence. thank you for your strenght, you dont know how many love light without you knowing, you give to this planet by just being different. Peace love UNION.
a little bird that wanted to sing some words of hope
you know ehat song is great and talks about bipolar disorder at least I think so colorblind by say anything:)
BP boon and bane
exceptionally ambivalent,but at least it's not boring.
Comon threads among you (us)all
It obviously takes a bit of time to read through all these posts. For the first few comments or so I was wanting to describe everything I've been going through as an artist with BP. (I haven't been diagnosed officially, but I have no doubt that I'm living with it.) My mood has allready shifted greatly in the time it took from reading the first comment to the last.
Instead I would like to praise every one here. The ailments and thoughts of suicide, and also the creative moments are all very familiar to me. It makes my warm and proud to see so much depth and intelligence in every comment. I wish I could meet everyone of you in person and experience your wisdom and art!
On another note I wish I could offer something positive for all the times when "BP" is cultivating thoughts of suicide. This to me is the most dangerous part of the ride. I feel fine now, but those moments are clear in my mind. I can't rationalize the value of continuing to live in those moments. Even now in a more elevated mood I can see the logic in the suicidal thoughts.(When I'm manic I have a hard time believing that I would ever consider itat all.) I think that my younger brother keeps me alive. He is such a kind and loving spirit. He's dealing with depression as well(not sure all the details). He was so upset over his cat getting sick that I doubt he could handle if I killed myself.
In the mean time If I'm going to stick around I suppose I;'ll need to figure my Sh#t out.
A little about me as an artist. 35yrs old singer/songwriter I've designed and painted some clubs, restaurants, and shops. My photographer friends say I'm a natural with a camera. Can't see to stay motivated or focused for any decent period of time, my self worth fluctuates from nothing to the grandiose. I've made people break down and cry after hearing a song, and helped turn a music venue from one that was loosing money to one of the town hotspots. Right now I have $0.19 in my bank account. Idoubt seriously that I'm fully employable although at times I've been known to work for weeks on very little sleep. Sound familiar?
Any ways I love you people. and would everybody please share some of their art? I believe that our art communicates volumes and it's important to share. nothing I have up is really finished but oh well.
I'll start
http://www.designbydallas.com
http://www.myspace.com/dallasmusicseattle
http://www.myspace.com/dallashguier
Degrees of Evolution within an Illuminated Mind
In my latest mania which I usually (actually always) find quite invigorating. I too felt the spark of Divine Light. I consistently apply the notion of measurement to all things, this helps me keep from getting too lost in a world of symbolism and perspective. I use the notion of a moral compass (intersecting figure eights 8) to guide my way, keeping careful to never be mean spirited, this compass is the cross with new mathmatical dimension. A dimension measured using the tools of mathmatical pi. So yes I channel thru a wormhole of cocentric circles.
Medical technologies show us the brain is working at full capacity. I equate this to the modern brain finding a bridge to our dormant reptilian brain. With me seeds of ideas flood my processors and I inter-twine the unique aspects of our existence into an alchemical blend of brilliance. It is a brilliance that is easier to perceive first hand than manifest into the real reality that we perceive as normal. In my latest adventure I evolved my diagnosis from bi polar to tri polar. This next step is me equating the up and down as two points on a grid and my minds eye which opens wide as the third point. I use my zodiac signs as talismans to reinforce my ego for strength. I jokingly (humm?) say I am a double dragon and a Taurus, being a hybrid of these horned creatures makes me very horny indeed, LOL. I feel I am at a time in my life (age 45) where I can accept my past and move forward with projects that will stun the world. So much can come from so few. We are at a special time in history, we are at a paradigm shift in culture and technology. There is a script that has already been written for this movie of ours and we all have a part to play in it. Find me on MySpace, I claim to pray to Tom (Pope Tom 01)- a branded identity in cyperspace. RAKII
looking for creative minds
Hi to all,
If anyone wants to get involved in a study which is collecting stories from people with creative talents who have found a way of managing their symptoms of mania and depression please go to: http://bipolarsurvey.questionpro.com
The aim of the research is to better inform mental health services which are often criticized for having little understanding of what it actually feels like to have bipolar and who over-rely upon a biomedical approach.
It's a small study, so all comments will be thoroughly read (and appreciated) by myself.
Contact me if you want to find out more or to have a chat. Or just go to the above link for more information.
Cam
Bipolar, bulimic, drug user...
I'm 16, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about a month ago. I'm depressed all of the time, I can't go one night without crying, my friends are starting to hate me I think. Sometimes I wish my friends were bipolar too, but when I really think about it I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I'm not on any meds yet, hopefully I will be able to soon, but I'm also bulimic so it's difficult to say whether meds will work with that in mind too. I was diagnosed with both disorders at the same time, I'm also a drug user, it's so difficult to cope at the moment. I don't know what to do. I could be pregnant...I can't deal with this, I'm going to have to do it. I can't cope, I can't tell my psychotherapist, they think i'm mental. Help me, please.
The story is the same, i just personalized the name.
This really made sense to me. I happen to be sitting in computer apps 2 and i was talking to my friend while i was reading, and saying things right before i read someone else say them. It was like i was talking, if that makes sense. For a long time, i've felt really alone. As if all these thoughts that i have are unique only to my mind. But at the same time, believeing that out there somewhere, there has to be someone like me. Who thinks too fast, and doesn't sleep enough. Someone who can be the most optimistic, amazingly happy person on the planet, and yet one wrong thing can happen and the world is crashing down. The mania feels like you have no boundaries, like if you work hard enough you can build a time machine or solve world hunger. The depression feels like you will never be happy again, like you are worth nothing, you can do nothing, all that you will ever accomplish, is nothing. and somewhere in between is normalcy, wich is the weirdest feeling i have ever encountered. to NOT be sad and to NOT be happy. to be NEUTRAL? It happens once in a while, and i feel so out of place.
This is the reason i'm choosing NOT to go on the medication. I know it would help. the suicidal thoughts would stop, the constant roller coaster that is my life would come to a halt, or a nice boat ride. But at such a high price. An end to the mania is an end to all creativity. and likewise my hopes of being a writer, any decent song i'll ever write, my entire personality.
I'd also like to point out, that among my many problems, and list of things that make me "crazy", i have been cutting since i was thirteen. So, almost 5 years. In all honesty, it started as a trend. I saw a girl do it, and decide i could look too. Scratched myself with some thumbtacks and took myself to the guidance counselor so everyone would know. That was idiotic, because in the tenth grade, it got serious. And its still progressing to the point wheere it feels impossible to stop. I think the addiction of cutting is that you do it to feel better, but it makes you feel horrible. I look at my arm and feel ridiculous for doing it to myself. I feel embarrased, and i try my best to dodge the question when people ask. you can't wear long sleeves forever; North carolina summmers are hell. My ex-boyfriend even called me disgusting the other day. he said that when we were dating he didnt want to be seen with crazy girl who cuts herself. Of all the things that have happend in my life, of all the scars on my arm. That sentence cut me the deepest.
I can't tell if today is a good day or bad, or if all my days are continuous.
I can never know for sure, i swear i've forgotten how to sleep.
I don't really know if any of this made sense, but i'd love if it helped someone.
I fall three times as hard if it's for nothing at all, you all are twice as tall as i will ever be, and i feel terribly small when my head works to hard. when you think with your heart, there's not a thing that you don't see. I'm hardly capable of half the damage i would like to do, i could swear that i don't care, but you know i'm too full of shit to think this through, so look at me, i pray to god, but curse too much to be considered true. I'm just like me, so who the hell are you.
-Starving your friends by envy on the coast.
"Awakening the Bipolar Gift"
Every one should read Dr. Eduardo Grecco --bipolar himself-- and a professional therapist, psychoanalyst and a bit more. There is much wisdom in his books, as opposed to the biochemical determinism of classical pshychiatric manuals. Ah Dr. Grecco writes in Spanish though.
http://www.edicontinente.com.ar/Despertando.htm
Hard to stay focused
I'm 29 years old. I was diagnosed when I was 13 with BP. My life has been full of ups and downs. I stopped medicating when I was 16 because I felt like a lab rat. They kept switching me from drug to drug to drug. I also tested at near genius levels when I was younger. My main problem has always been finishing things. It's not that I'm not smart enough I just find it very hard to stay motivated. I also partook in alot of recreational drug use and more or less like a personal test at first. Things always affected me differently than my friends.
It's been a long time and I've suffered greatly and made those around me suffer as well, however I still can't give up the thought that it's a mind disease and should be able to be conquered by the mind itself. I watched a "A Beautiful Mind" and thought "Wow I'm not the only one". Perhaps I should start looking more into meditation. It's just so hard to stay focused. So many distractions in life.
I hope someday to write a book on this subject. I'll have to conquer this disease first.
Helping to keep urself sane...
Stay away from Caffiene, food coloring, and alcohol, and drugs. I dont drink or smoke, but staying away from Caffiene and food coloring when I'm feeling manic, helps alot.. good luck, its a hard disease, I know. But there are good things about it too... such as the creativity, and also what doesnt kill u makes u stronger. Good luck!
bi polar and something positive!
Finally an article writing some positive viewpoints about bi-polar condition! one applauds only as for the 12 years ive been diagnosed all i have ever read or encountered is how low-down, pessemistic and how ill and slow if ever to recover bi-polar individuals are. and like a fool i have let myself be deluded by this 'negative' rhetoric sitting behind the curtains fearing the so called 'clever high functioning' people on the 'outside'
and it was all a sham!a big shamefaced sham! if not a scam to make bi-polars belive they are the nations idiots to be pitied and stupified into catatonia!!!!!! oh now we are told we are creative geniuses? no wonder they are mad told this told that and never given the strategies or tools to manage their own moods or affective conditons, instead babyed and left to rot on societys rubbish dumps and land fills.
that article says stand up and start shouting ok not so loud they section one again but loud enough to make them the so called 'proffessionals' stop medictin us into a f******* stupor or that when it rains one mouth foams with so much clorpromazine
take control and see yourselves for the articulate intelligent gentle clever
souls you really are worthwile and deserving of proper care and support to get well and GUYS SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS IT IS BI-POLAR A CONDITION THAT NEEDS MANAGING NOT THE BOOGY MAN AND NEEDS TO BE GIVEN THE SAME CONSIDERATION AND RESPECT FOR CANCER PATIENTS AND YES IT CAN BE LIFE THREATENING BI-POLAR CAN BE DEBILLITATING AND WITH PROPER CARE NOT SO.
I´ve been toying with the
I´ve been toying with the idea that Bipolarity describes symptoms that are very much real but that the word ¨bipolarity¨remains a definition that cannot capture the range of experiences sufferers go through. For example, notice that going up and down hinges on a purely vertical axis. Get too low and you can´t move, or you feel like you´re going to drown in darkness, but, on the other hand, get too high and you feel like you could fall to your death.
But couldn´t there be a greater emphasis on a horizontal plane, that is, a more grounded plane, thereby turning the vertigo of this purely vertical axis into the combined grid of horizontality/verticality. I know this is abstract, but it is my sense, if I can take myself and the literature as support, that those prone to bipolarity seek or are prone to intense experience, and that it is possible to harness this intensity without endangering oneself, especially after having been given the supreme wake-up call, as in my own case, of knowing that I can no longer push my limitations in certain fields of action(substance abuse, for example, or the pernicious demons of circular thinking).
I can, however, keep pushing in the creative domain, in which I feel a great deal of freedom and intensity, and enjoy the difficulty and pleasure of experiencing concomitant states but without feeling that death is knocking at my door.
The bipolar mind and creativity: connecting conversations I
I believe Ive had this all my life
Im a 44 yr old male,
After being shown this article by a friend, I hungrily read every bit of iy.
I have been an artist my whole life, and a musician as well. I learned to play guitar by ear, and became very accomplished at it. Everything creative , I have excelled at, ever setting higher, almost unrealistic goals for myself, with the belief that I can do anything.I experience a prophetic high , which comes and goes
seemingly without pattern. The spirit goeth where it listeth.This euphoria I have always found myself waiting for, like a drug. There have been many times when I was under its spell and hurriedly and feverishly wrote so that I wouldnt lose the creative thoughts.Unfortunately, these major ups are inevitably coupled with some terrible downs. States of depression and self loathing.In my youth I often thought of suicide to get relief, even attempted it once in my 20s.I believe these cycles have also influenced my voracious appetite for the spiritual, since I voraciously read everything from books on the greek mystery cults to alchemy.
Throughout my life, in times of depression, many people close to me have suggested medication.I would never take their advice, my belief being that I would then lose those periods of what I firmly believe are, truly, divine inspiration(laugh all u want, lol).There is an old saying,.."the moon has no light of its own".Our minds being the impotent moon,and the universal mind being the potent sun.I believe each creative is a conduit or vessel, according to varied capacity, receiving ambrosia from above.The ancient poets and prophets thought this,as well as some artists and poets do today.These periods of inspiration are the poets muse, ever spoken of.
Plato wrote of the archetypal realm of ideas, that hidden and divine source of all knowledge and wisdom.This very realm is the source and fountain from which creatives draw their water.I would have it no other way, and consider it a blessing to partake of that water, as so few are able to.The periods of depression may even be partly because of the great loss felt when that inspiration leaves us.
First we are almost immortal, able to take on anything,and next we are filled with a terrible emptiness. There are times when I look at artwork I have done and think, wow I cant believe I made that, and there are other times when I doubt I even am an artist, and think, "what made you ever think you were?".
I feel strongly that having been blessed/cursed with hypomania has allowed me to know things and do things that the average person cannot even grasp.
I feel a kinship with all who have written here.
Godbless
BC
Bipolar creativity
I am a male, 36 years old - been "suffering" from this since I was 17. I had a clear self-destructive behavior since I was about 9, have no idea from where it came. I hurt myself badly at the age of 19, but luckily the knife missed the veins. I don't know if I really wanted to die, don't think so. For me too life has been art. Poetry an music - but sadly my self-destructive behavior has made me destroy almost everything that I made. I think my self-destructive behavior only changed scene - from body to soul. So my whole life has been a struggle - against myself. I must live a very strict life - no coffee, tea, almost no alcohol, rules for everything. I've always been thinking that I would find my way, but now I don't know anymore. Well - yes I still will make it, I believe, but I'm so tired. It's been like living with storms inside, every day a struggle, if you're up or down or don't know where you are. To be like a fighter in the last round - constantly. My last manic episode was really "dark", not euphoric but the opposite - like being drunk with black wine. The music I made was so intensly melancholic. I feel like I've been taking small musical pictures of places very few people have been... I've got two really bad depressions and two lighter. The depressions are like all life just being sucked out of you - you think you will never come up again, like you earlier were thinking that you would never go down... To give up? No, I've no right to do that. Sometimes everything is so clear, you feel like an eternal light is burning inside. I wish to go to that light, in life, and - yes - I still believe I will make it.
spiritual connecton
I was diagnosed 15 years ago as bipolar.I am now 43.Can remember being different when i was as young as 14.My daily meds include lithium and small amount of zyprexa.They seem to work fairly well for me.I enjoy playing guitar and get together with a group of musicians every week.I have resisted telling most people of my ilness,they probably wouldnt understand anyway.My spiritual connections have been many over the years.I think thats one of the positives you get out of this disease.I am sure some people would disagree with me.Thats okay.I think that the brain is changed in some way and allows you to have a different experience of god.I also practise positive intentions everyday,a lot of them come true.Also recommend meditation.And last of all,All the best to those struggling with this disease,hang in there!Todd
Interesting article. Whether
Interesting article. Whether or not someone has a disease of the mind is never something clear cut. If that person is suffering and wishing they could change, than that's the best way to go, it seems. Learning to manage your own mind is not a skill taught in any school, although it is done indirectly. I have sheets of paper covered in equations, doodles and stories, almost incomprehensible even for me! I probably churn out more ideas than entire creative writing classes, but making an idea good is a different than just having it. Following up on those idea-seeds requires calmness and effort. Ironically, mastering your emotions requires peaceful emotions to begin with.
The best way to begin that mastery is to take care of your body: soothing bathes, regular workouts, and a balanced diet. The hardest part is keeping a decent sleeping schedule but if the first steps are taken then it easier to do. Ideally, this should keep a good baseline of wellbeing, and keep extreme lows away.
The most difficult aspect for me is that I will react to the same situation with a huge range of behaviors: from dancing on the tables to a depressed withdrawal and anything in between. Unpredictability is frowned upon nowadays, and social stress quickly follows unusual behavior. The disease isn't so much in myself as in my interactions with our clockwork society. Thus, I have a very rigid routine that allows me to get through some situations. But many people perceive this dull façade as my true persona, others believe I'm being facetious. To me, it's simply a cover on the boiling pot of my mind to get through the day without incident.
As a matter of fact, the entire point is that we run around the "Box of the mundane", hooting and hollering, and trip over it every now and then. Sometimes the owner of that box is nonplussed to have it knocked about!
Bipolar is a succinct label, but it's a very large box we're trying to stick it on.
Commenting: "Interesting article. Whether"
Very well articulated and presented. May I add very accurate as well. I hope you always find yourself in the light of the Divine Spark as it burns at a temperature that is measured in degrees of illuminated wisdom that is unique to only a select few. Treasure your adventure for only a few get to walk such a glorious path......
comments
first, i appreciate your writing this article. i had planned to do some research on the links discussed herein and find it refreshing that the connection between bipolar and creativity is not a novel observance on my part.
second, i would like to say that there is a converse side of this bipolar/creative link. because there is so much cycling, at times it is difficult for the manic depressive to be taken seriously. it is easy for those around him/her to chalk everything they say up to a biproduct of the disorder without any merit. it is a difficult place to be in to have to justify everything you say or to feel as though you a working at a deficit in every conversation because of the of your unreliable disorder.
that said, i wouldn't change things for the world.
Drawing and Bipolar
I was diagnosed Bipolar when i was 21 and I am now 32. I have been taking Depakote and other drugs for 12 years now.I became addicted to marijuana at the age of 17 and progressively got worse until i quit 3 yrs ago. I have been drawing since I was a little kid but never really new why, other people around me didnt have the same passion.I now know it is because it helps me feel better like a release or meditation. I collect my drawings out of personal interest like a time-line journal. I found the marijuana kicked me out of the depression temporarily and made me creative and full of energy.But in long run made me paranoid,psychotic,anxious and depressed. Im glad to be free from that enslavement even though there are some things i miss about it- the side effects just arent worth it. Its like a cruel joke because when im depressed I cant draw anything satisfying I just get frustrated. Then out of the blue after months of darkness and excessive sleeping, I rise feeling like a new person with this overwhelming compulsion to draw. And then when the pencil or pen hits the paper it feels like I am floating outside my body in nirvana. My hand feels like it is being moved by another strange force sometimes I think it is god-even though i know that to be illogical. this will last anywhere from 2-5 hrs then it just stops and I return to my pain. I get irritable because I want to go back to that great place but I cant. Im interested in your artwork if you would like to share or have a website let me know.
just some comments
I am a 24 years old and have been suffering from bipolar disorder back and forth for 7 years. As much as I praise creativity, and my belief that it is somewhat linked with bipolar disorder for some people, I think BD is still a sadistic but compassionate disease. Although bipolar disorder, like many other mental illness, creates a lot stigma around people, but look at the bright side, many people are actually friendly and suffering in silence. Otherwise we wouldn't have a stable society with 1% of the population having the illness. I think we should all cherish ourselves for we can still hang on to our lives even with the illness. When my condition got worsen I have truely discovered how tough it is for people with the illness to get through life, and how strong the people who survive through it are. The disease is not worth the cherish, but the people who fight their lives through it are. Whether you are creative or not, or even to the level seen as a creative genius, do not give up your life.
When I was young, and suffered through this during my late teenage, there was nobody there for me. I tried to show a friendly and happier face than I actually was to people, and at times those who disliked my "personality" tried to be away from me. When I felt better, I cannot believe how someone can deal with this for 6-7 years, and possibly going to deal with it for the rest of his life.
I am a 20 year old female
I am a 20 year old female who has just been diagnosed bipolar. i believe i inherited it from my father's side. when i was a child i was incredibly shy and i loved to draw and i was the wierdest kid ever i thought. My teachers told my parents they thought i was a prodigy but i was so embarrased of it because i knew it was what made me wierd. As a teenager I stopped doing art altogether, i was totally focused on fitting in and boys. i was constantly fighting with my parents, and i was very impulsive when it came to alcohol and spending money (I had this thing where every chance i got I would go buy panties and bras).all the things i thought were typical, but i would have these uncontrollable fits of rage,i would get soo angry and smash things. i am not a big person 5'8 and 115 pounds, and i have put holes in the walls! when im angry its like i have all this strength and i do not know what im doing and often dont remember what happened afterwards. but everyone said i would grow out of it. i was taken to a hospital after a suicide attempt and i was first diagnosed with depression, and the medications they gave me for that made me lose my mind. i had this need to create and one day i just started oilpainting, which i hadnt ever done before! it just came so natural and people would tell me that what i did was amazing, but i was such a perfectionistic all i would see when i looked was spots that needed more work. if it were up to me no painting would ever be finished.. people kept asking to buy them and now im doing galleries and such and im only 20 years old. i KNOW its the manic deppressiveness that enables me to do what i do. my advice to other people with this diagnosis is to embrace what you have. you may have potential to achieve super success!
It has been my experience
It has been my experience that despite having gone through a brief pyschosis followed by a severe depression, I no longer feel that the term bipolar applies to me. Nonetheless, I'm aware that great care must be taken to avoid slipping into a state of extreme positive or negative confusion. As such, I take my medication as a precautionary measure but otherwise I believe this medical model is extremely flawed(though wonderfully useful).
Everything in the world, in the end, is based on a bipolar frame. The crux of all thought is contrast. I understand of course that bipolarity is, by definition, the inability to guide one's moods in a moderate or healthy way between the extremes of inflation and deflation, so such a thing as bipolarity does indeed exist. However, the contrast of high and low applies to everyone.
I think, though of course only time will tell, that a careful, productive life that actively seeks to make sense of the contrasts at the core of mood will lead to an effective arena for bringing extreme moods into alignment.
Based on the definition of hypomania, I'm hypomanic much of the time. I keep myself feeling generally good through an abundance of creative work, and through the guidance and understanding of my partner, I'm able to keep myself from becoming manic, and thereby from suffering from depression.
The result of my needing to prevent the repetition of my trip to the hospital has actually resulted in a far, far higher standard of self-care than before my psychotic episode. I take my quotidian health quite seriously, while not allowing the need to be healthy to be an imprisoning concept.
In the end, moods will always change for me, as they do for everyone else. And effective judgement, especially coupled with the balancing act of creative work, makes me feel, clinically, I'm no more bipolar than the next person.
So the author of this article's claim that people affected by bipolar disorder will have it for life is, as far as I can tell, a misguided professional claim that mimics the literature and simply doesn't take into account the full range of experience of those who've been designated bipolar.
And finally, if you know your philosophy, the bipolar frame, as useful as it is, lacks the subtlety required to transcend that frame, placing the sufferer in the double bind of having to accept the diagnosis to get necessary help from professionals, but then not being able to transcend that diagnosis to end up doing what is ultimately required: to take responsibility for oneself and one's moods, and patiently take proactive steps to gaining an open positive control over what were, in my case anyhow, supremely erratic moodswings.
transcending the bipolar diagnosis
Hmmm
Hey, when I was 15ish I was diagnosed as bipolar and took paxil and limictal and it made me insanely mellow. I hated it and I wanted to die more actually haha. I told my madre that I was done with it and she was mad at me because I am so crazy. I am always making up crazy scenarios, I always have to have everything hectic, I have the feeling throughout my whole body where I just want to run and keep running and screaming and do anything. And I have those episodes where I don't sleep, but when I do sleep its awake sleep. And then when I get depressed its the end of the world, it's like "Why am I even there, these people don't even like me" etc etc.
It's hard to deal with because I don't know what to do with it. And I hate the depression and irritability because then I just want to rip everyones face off because no one understands. life life ilfe hahaha...
Does anyone ever feel really stupid when they just are so hyper they can't control it? I do sometimes. I dont know.
Confused
Hello everyone,
I have been reading up on Bipolar Disorder (BD) for quite a while after my friend mentioned it to me.
After reading through all the symptoms and signs of BDm, I suspect myself having it too. I have period where I will stare out of the window and thought of commiting suicide, or I will simply wake up and feel hopeless and laze around the whole day, thinking that I am a failure.
Recalling back, when I am in elementary school, I passed exams without even paying attention in class, as I was having other thoughts in mind. And when I move on to tertiary institution, I was full of energy and all my friends describe me as Sunshine - I also end up in the Roll of Honor in school.
However, I main concern is that I am in a country where medical record is easily accessible by the Government and Private Sector. As I heard of cases where patient with history of mental disorder, such as depression, they will be overlooked when applying for job or a place in University. I am worried if I visit the doctor and been diagnose with BD, my future will be ruin.
I am confused - should I go for the medical checkup and risk blowing up myself?
yoy need to chill
You sound peranoid. And your symptoms sound like depression not bipolar. So go get a good job and go to the dr and find out for sure. Because i am not a dr I just think if those are your only symptoms then you dont have it
Am I playing with fire
I can relate to all of you... and I truly believe that once you get to know and understand who you really are, believe in yourself and learn to adjust your way of living and doing to suit yourself and not societal norms then you open the door to experiencing truly amazing accomplishments. My story!
In the midst of a life threatening bipolar depression I was prescribed Lamictal, an anti-convulsant. Once I leveled out my depression disappeared along with my cognitive functioning. Example.. I could easily locate my destination on the map but could not physically get there. I would drive round and round and round, stop to look at the map over and over again.. call the customer, get directions, drive around some more and a couple of times I never did get there.. just had to give up. After about a year on medication I had become a hermit; my business (interior design) was in serious trouble, lost my car, my studio and was very close to losing my house when I decided I needed to make some serious changes. I started taking 1/4 my usual dose of meds.. the energy, creativity and drive I had once known came flooding back like a huge tidal wave.
I maintain the 1/4 prescribed dose and when I feel the depression comming on I quadruple my dose for a couple of days. I understand the lamictal absorbs into the body quickly.. it seems to work like a pain killer for me. I worry though. I worry that some day the depression is going to hit me as hard as the creative energy I experienced when I cut the dose.. guess time will tell. I am happy to report that since lowering my dose I have become very successful at building environmental design systems for the hospitality industry. I'll keep taking my meds "as needed"... Fellow bipolars..get to know yourself.. and don't be afraid to play around with fire a little...
I have been dealing with
I have been dealing with bi-polar all my life.I dont think i would fair to well without meds.I have definitely become a more spiritual person,because of the illness.Some of the things i have dealt with have changed me.I feel i have an understanding that a "normal person" cant have.I am now able to figure out reasonably well when i am having a manic attack.This allows me to make changes and settle down so i can deal with it.I have no regrets in my life.Am also a musician and can play some very soulful music on guitar.
contributions appreciated, here and elsewhere
Bipolar all my life
Hello, I have been reading all of comments from my Bipolar family. I was born with Bipolar (weren't we all?). I was diagnosed when I was 15. I am now 48. I am not going to go into the life of my blessing, but I have pretty much expirienced all the above. I call my Bipolar a blessing. It is a blessing for me because it has showed me things that very few people will ever see, at least in this life time.
I have read many times how in a full blown manic that Bipolars become puffed up. I feel that the reason for this is because we cannot relate to a Dr. or family that we are feeling something almost heavenly. Excuse the way I need to put this but its like we know more then the Dr. but we don't know how we do, but we do. We have seen something, felt something that nothing in this world has. I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I know their are many illnesses, deformities, sickness from the fall of mankind, but I believe that God has given us just a touch of fearless love, hope and a total feeling of having no more separation from our true place in heaven with our redeemer Jesus. I feel so blessed that I have been one of the 1% of the population to have bipolar disorder. I have been hopitalised 8 times since September 5th 1975, and though the road has been long and rough I am thankful now. I had so much help from family and wonderful Doctors that I will always keep them in my heart.
I do have something to say about medication. Stay on it. I have one of the most severe cases that my Doctors have ever seen. I really would love to be in a slight manic for my whole life but I am not in this world for just myself alone, but to be there for others. And truely it really is a lonely world when I am manic all the time because there is no one to share your world with you.
Thats it.
Thank you Annemarie
Creative ability--Bipolar 1
1955-I was diagnosed manic depressive, due to a one year tour of combat in Korea in 1952. I have been under lithium for 53 years. The ups and downs were daily, weekly, monthly. No rest. The lithium didn't seem to work. Yet I married, we had 5 children. Most show the signs but refuse to believe it. I worked hard and we raised a good family. My ideas are a bit unusual and hobbies were very creative.
I had an amatuer radio station for years and designed and built some of my equipment. I built a station that used amatuer sattillites AO-10 & AO-13 to contact other amatuer stations in other parts of the world. I taught my children many of the hobbies I learned. Skiing, archery,mountaniering,camping,sailing, etc. My mind is always on run and I can understand and comprehend any thing I want. Right now it's cosmology. I'm working on Black Matter and it's possibilities. Not just casual intrest. But understand.I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 in the 70s.
Is this the mind of a person with Bipolar 1?
Robert
I'm 17 years old, and about
I'm 17 years old, and about a year ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since then, I have been placed on various medications, anti-psychotics and a combination of mood stabilizers, and was also recently hospitalized. I have also been a writer for as long as I can remember, but as soon as my psychiatric treatment started, I quickly ran out of ideas. I have produced little to no worthy material. I'm not going to exagerate, I'm an awesome writer. AWESOME. And not being able to write is torture, it feels like I'm constipated. I hate it. I hate being crazy, but I hate not being able to write even worse.
The Positives of Bipolar Disorder
I really liked your distinguished views between bipolar I and bipolar II.
I'm a teenage girl diagnosed with bipolar II and autism. Medications don't seem to work. However, exercise and writing my feelings has almost reliquished my depression. I noticed I sometimes feel as if I'm "out of reality". I feel momentarily like I don't belong in my time period. I also hear voices unvoluntarily, but I can just request they go away and they do.
This mentall illness is both a blessing and a cruse. When I need to do a school project or huge test, I can usually finish it within an hour. However, I have some hallucinations. They are never severe, but they are there. I have a 4.0 GPA while I'm struggling with family situations. People just need to concentrate on things that will help them. If everyone with bipolar disorder took time to know themselves, they could train themselves to rift through the negatives and grow the positives of this illness.
Thank you for this article.
I think that you might
I think that you might actually suffer from schizoaffective disorder, as opposed to autism. Although people with schizoeffective disorder may and do have autistic tendencies. I, myself, was diagnosed with the disorder just recently. I also have a best friend who has it, and perhaps the only person who understands me to such a great extent. He actually leans more on the autistic side, in terms of his behaviours and odd movements, and also in terms of the idiosyncratic complexities of how he interacts socially. He doesn't seem to look anyone in the eye, and the vernacular of his speech is entirely composed of non-sequiturs. He is a very dear friend, and a sweetheart, as well. And probably one of the brightest people I know in terms of Latin American politics, or politics in general. He is brilliant, and sweet. And hilariously funny. I love being around him.
So there are some absolutely positive attributes about this neurological construct that we both share. I try to quell the hallucinations through physical exertion, and in going for walks (constantly). I really don't think I know how to sit still, actually. The thing that actually propels me is that with every step I take, I tell myself that I have defeated the many manifestations of my personality which are my nemeses. I actually have multiple persona in these voices that come into my head. And I try to counter them with every attempt. So I constantly stay busy; and the more activities and creative projects I engage in, the better. I've recently learned guitar (my friend is teaching me, as he is a skilled guitarist in addition to being a brilliant political analyst. And he can make these hilarious impersonations of Andy Kauffman while he plays. He, too, thinks of himself as being from another time period - he's obsessed with the 50s era. He even dresses in vintage jackets from the 1950s. He's a really awesome person.
But I just wanted to let you know that there are some really positive things about this neurological disposition; and there is so much that we can contribute if we channel our energies into creative prospects and endeavors. Remember that people like us are brilliant; that we see things on a completely different stratem of reality than most people, and that the psychosocial stratification which society has impressed upon us is trying to categorically place us in a box. WEll, society sucks, and psychiatrists are undermining our brilliance by drugging us up with clonapin and abilify (those are a few prescribed medications I'm on, as well as a cocktail of about 14 others. So don't give up, and know that I am here for you whenever you need me.
Sour with the sweet
I'm a male who is 24 years old. I am a musician/songwriter and realized my manic/depression a couple years ago. Since I am anonymous here, trust me that I am not bragging here, but I am one of the top 3 guitar players and best slide r fiddle player in the area I live in, and I play entirely by ear -- don't know how to read music. Coincidentally, while looking through my songbook tonight, I noticed a strange pattern -- I didn't write a single song that I actually perform in all of 2006. I was in a period of depression that lasted from approximately fall 2005 until fall of 2007. This period is also characterized by my heaviest substance abuse...close to a half gallon of liquor per week usually (for a 21 or 22 year old), along with occasional Rx meds (Percocet and Darvocet type stuff) and marijuana. Looking back now, I hard to believe that I was depressed for two years. Time flies.
As stated in the article, I can track my mood swings by the songs I write. Interestingly, I have written around a dozen songs since October of '07 that I am putting on a new CD -- I have been on an upswing lately.
As for the 15 year old above, I understand completely. There were weeks and seemingly months that thoughts of suicide would enter into my thinking daily. Even as far as planning my own funeral. But it's a long term answer to a short term problem. My best reasoning was to think of my family and how selfish it would be to put them through such intense suffering to "ease" my own. Looking back now, it all seems ridiculous, but for a long time it seemed right...scary how the human mind works.
I have never been on prescription meds (fear of losing the creative and manic periods) but did try St. Johns Wort OTC at my lowest depression point and recommend it as an option to anyone who suffers from depression.
Overall, while I know that my case is not (currently) nearly as serious as that of others, I can't honestly wish it away. How boring life must be for those who feel exactly the same and "normal" every day!
How do I become independent with this disorder
I haven't been diagnosed for bipolar just yet, I have only been treated for acute anxiety so far. I have started to seek treatment again at my boyfirend's suggestion. I really want to figure out if it's more than just anxiety that is causing me to have so many extreme mood swings. I have been sewing and selling my clothing designs on online for about 6 years now. I always go through these episodes in which I make really stunning pieces and can produce almost 4-6 items in one day. I have never been trained to design clothing and wasn't even taught how to sew. My clothing is usually in high demand on a non-stop basis year round and all over the world. The pieces are very intricate and extremely detailed. During these "manic" episodes I swear I feel like wonder woman and can't be stopped. I always make a huge amount of money in a short period of time and take on a ton of work. Then I crash and get into these deep depressions in which I can't get out of bed and I make very poor decisions. Each time I do, my business suffers, I lose money, customers, I mess up my credit and I always lose my apartments/home. I think I have been evicted at least 4 times. All I want to do is live on my own, take care of kids (I lost custody of my oldest son with autism via CPS during a deep depression) and pay my bills. How can I be productive with these medications especially if they hender your creativity. Is there anyway for me to have a normal life and be independent when I can't seem to get my behavior under control. Someone has suggested that I get on SSI. If there was a way to just be consistant with my work habits, I think I could take care of myself without government help.
If you don't get in line we'll lock you away...
I am a 29 year old male and have Bipolar disorder. I have written numerous moving piano pieces (without the benefit of a formal education). I have my own design TV show that encompasses creative elements. The climax to all my most praised work has been attributed to my highest manic states. Over the years I have been issued several antipsychotics and mood stabilizers which in turn have suppressed my creative thought process. In a society where mental illness still carries a stigmatism, it is often times easier to conform to "whats socially accepted" and to function as others see fit. With no uncertainties, I sincerely believe that HimaBindu K Krishna's views are accurate. The following are lyrics by Dave Matthews (who suffers from mental illness himself)and perhaps gives a lyrical insight to which things I speak about.
Everybody's happy, everybody's free, Keep the big door open, everyone'll come around, Why are you different, why are you that way, If you don't get in line we'll lock you away, it's a typical situation, in these typical times, if you don't get in line we'll lock you away...
Because I am in the public eye, I will respectfully choose to stay anonymous.
bipolar and piano music
Your comment caught my eye. I am female and 29 this year and also have bipolar. It has been a struggle for eight years and the love for music and my piano has helped me so much. In my darkest hours or when my life was destroyed by a manic episode at least I knew I still had talent for the piano and that could not be taken away from me. I managed to get a degree in music which was actually in jazz but now I tend to play classical and I compose classically but rarely sticking to old traditions. I am eager to hear from people who compose and who have bipolar. I am not sure that bipolar has helped my creative process or not really. I think it has as I have been through so much and experienced the sadness and joys of life to such an extreme that when they are emanated in music the experience of music may seem even more vivid and moving than that if I hadn't. Maybe having bipolar isn't such a bad thing. People feel sorry for you and label it as an illness but i see it as riding storms and seeing sunsets that perhaps the average person may never see.
That's amazing; I was also
That's amazing; I was also diagnosed with bipolar II along with schizoaffective disorder. I actually have perfect pitch; I can actually play music by ear without even looking at the page. I'm trying to understand the intricacies of composition alongside this; I aspire to study music theory as well as learning to play guitar. I can completely relate to you with regard to the medication; I was prescribed anti-psychotics for my manic phases, in which I would run around in the dead of night because of my insomnia. I hated the insomnia; it was like a force that kept eating me. At first, I loved it, because I would have this constant influx of emotion and creative energy, and this amazing stamina...But at the culmination of all that, I crashed. I had no motivation to do anything. I felt that after three weeks of not sleeping, I felt that I had really forfeited my life, and my sanity. Or the residual amounts of it that I had left...But the weirdest thing was I started hallucinating. I mean, fuck...full-blown hallucinations. Started seein' spiders crawling up my arm; started seeing like a montage of all the scenes of my life flashing before me. I mean, damn...that shit was insane. And soon after, I was checked into a hospital, so I'm better now. I've been remitted, and although I'm back on my feet, I still feel like the medication just utterly mitigated my creative motivation. I'm slowly regaining that drive, but it's gradually coming back....I just wanted to let you know that you aren't in this alone; if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a line. And I'd love to hear some of your piano pieces sometime....Listen, I'm here for ya; don't let those medications impede your ideations. I know that your creative resilience will catalyze your creative output. Just let me know how it goes...
By the way, I love your Dave Matthews lyrics. Those are one of my favorite lyrics of his...
Thanks - Very informative.
Hi,
My wife is BP1, rapid cycling with mixed episodes. She was diagnosed about 18 months ago and has just recently become stable on her meds. She would become hyper manic, and could swing twice in a single day. She is a very rapid cycler.
Anyway, Thanks for the info!
Derek
BPBabble.com
okay im about to be 15 but
okay im about to be 15 but have been diagnosed w/ bipolar disorder. its genetic apparently. i've been on drugs, attempted suicide, been in a MI for treatement, i'm in stress, depression and anger management. i'm in DSS but i really dont wanna get any more meds but i think i'm gonna kill myself... what do i do
Hang on
i have BP too. i tried to kill myself a couple of times. i am lucky that i failed (seriously). when i was depressed and suicidal i looked to suicide for relief - I felt like hope was physically ripped out of me and the hole left behind wouldn't heal - no relief, no way out. I didn't want to die. I liked life. I just needed relief.
It sounds like you are in tons of groups - I don't even know what half of them mean. Seems ridiculous that you would have to go to stress, depression and anger group - seriously?? Of course you are depressed, stressed and angry - it sounds like you have people all over you telling you what to do. Since you are 15 you probably are forced into all of that nonsense. I suggest you keep a sense of humour about it and don't make waves in the groups. If you are 'well behaved" you will be let alone a bit more. Do you like your doctor? What drugs are you on?
I think the best thing you can do at the moment is to do some small thing for your self - computers/music/writing/drawing/just chilling/etc. If you can you should set aside some time even if it is 10 minutes for you to do whatever you want to do.
One last thought - I hated being 15 - maybe its the BP maybe it is just a sucky year BUT you are more than just 15 - make and keep a safe space and a bit of time for you (your soul/thoughts etc). You do have strength in you - take time to check it out. You will need to follow a bunch of groups and orders for the time being but you always have your inner place and very very soon you will be able to move your life in the direction you want. i hope you come back to this place so we can talk more.
Try to have fun
Find a new hobby.
Hang out with your best friend, if you don't have one get a pet, like a puppy.
Play your favorite songs as lould as you can, but be respective to your household.
Do something you would'nt normally do, like taking a stroll around the neighborhood, build a craft out of tooth picks, popsickle sticks, or a deck of cards.
Go see a new exciting movie/s, maybe with a boy/girl friend.
Play your favorite sport with someone or by yourself.
Solve a puzzle.
Kill some ants
Buy a new video game, or just any game you would prefer to play.
Work out, or go to the pool.
Eat your favorite food (please don't splurg).
Read a good poem, or write your own.
OR try anything else that you feel suits your feeling of happiness.
find your way
Im 20 and bipolar. Accept yourself, and you'll do great things, love yourself and others. Its that simple. Just be, stop thinking about social norms.
Ups and downs, downs and ups. Take time for Yourself and maybe you'll find your way. No you will find your way. there is no question in my mind but the infinite amount of possibilities that lie within each one of us. learn to love yourself and learn to love what you love who you love, love love.
- The Soothe Sayer
I hate this damn disease. I
I hate this damn disease. I want to die. The imperfect mind in this light is horrible to live with.
Kick its ass!
I hate BP. It has taken away so many thing too many to even count...i would never in a million years have guessed that this is where i would end up at 36...but here i am...I did try suicide once but failed (I am very thankful for that now)
You sound like you are ashamed of yourself, of your mind, your disease. When I feel ashamed I freeze at the horror of it and stop speaking up for myself. I become silent and paralyzed. I wish hospital workers and doctors could somehow feel the relentless agony of shame - the shame they inflict on their patients. What makes me very angry is that if you manage to fight the shame and do speak up you are even more screwed. Then you are raving, uncooperative. Yup. They definitely pull a big mind F@#^!
BUT (yes the big BUT)
They are wrong (and looking at it objectively Whose brains are really deranged and evil?
So you will always have BP - but you are not BP it is just a part of you. Why do you thing your mind is imperfect? Scientists don't even really know how the brain works let alone what a perfect brain might look like. What scientists do know is that people with BP tend to be innovative, creative, perhaps even famous for their flights of fancy. Sadly we happen to live in a time that is very obsessed with being the same - "keeping up with the jones." On top of that creativity is not as prized or supported (canceling music and art in schools). Funny thing about our time is that I sometimes feel the most normal compared to people I see on Maury's show or any number of other bizarre shows.
I don't think your brain (or my brain for that matter) is imperfect. It is unique - which means is special to us and it means that it can be amazing and can also be a traitor.
There is a quote that I like - you might like it too:
Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.
Henry David Thoreau
So what do you think? Are you really done with life? Don't let BP win and scare you into jumping off. Hate it with everything you have! Kick its ass! Oh Yeah!
Don't think of it as "the
Don't think of it as "the imperfect mind", but rather the extended mind. im14 and have all the symptoms of bipolar. but im too afraid to go to the doctor to confirm.
but look at it in this light:
whereas normal minds see things w/ limits, our awareness is heightened. even tho when i come down 2 dppression, i want to die too, im treading water all the time except its thick and dark and slow and its like u cant move and u cant get out.
but when tht phase ends, i am amazed at how even in tht dark i can think of things like tht.
i agree with the article 100%. iv found tht the imagination is the minds best comfort and cure
Bipolar disorder
Just don't even talk about killing yourself. That's your mind off on it's own. The point about living with this "disease" is to recognize that impulses/feelings are not facts. Use your feelings and creativity to your advantage. When in doubt, use your brain, just think about things as logically as possible and make a decision without emotion involved. I am 42 years old, rather succesful, traveled everywhere, and have lived at least 3 lifetimes past the herd. (I have the best stories...) If given the choice between having the "disease" or not, I would choose to have it. However, it really sucks at 15. I truly know: no one diagnosed it back then... Best advice I can give (which may not work for you): figure out what you like to do, work hard, make it your career, and when in doubt, THINK. Having a bunch of ideas is easy; deploying or rejecting them requires discpline. Have fun doing it! (And do yoga- it really works.)
Biopolar
but it`s soooooooo hard.
even harder if you have a creative, imaginative, artistic nature.
The thing is I`ve already figured out what I want to do , I tend to work hard on it.Yes,I think like this, then suddenly everything I want seems unrealistic and I became weak....Then I wake up next morning and I think I can make it!!!
I cannot tell you how many times I had thoughts about dying, killing myself, on the other hand I do think it`s so selfish and I would probably regret it.
It not easy to live with this.I am strange.My friend said: "You cannot decide, you are strange".
Once I am the most creative, most energetic, talented person who has wonderful ideas for the future regarding job and career,a leader, the other day I feel like everything I want it`s not possible to achieve it and I feel weak.It`s like I have two personalities.
I am someone who cannot easily give up, whatever it is, and is purley bacause I go for everything with passion and full of enthusiasm.
People cannot imagine that I have negative thougts, not at all.
Someone said once: "You are a fabuolusly positive person and you will shine wathever you do in your life" Because that`s me.But the Biopolar person is me too.
A mental ill, a negative, depressed person....
What I am doing now??Nothing, just look out of my head because i am bored, feel nothing, feeling demotivated.And what i should do is learning for a job interview...and i don`t do it.
something is not really ok in my brain and i did things which are not bad, but 99% of people would not do it bacause it`s cross the line.
Anyway, hope I will be ok by tomorrow.
Does really eating fish helps???
or running.swimming.....
I have always lloved excersising, but recently I am not regular with them and I eat chocolate a lot.
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