Creativity and Bipolar Disorder
Submitted by SerendipUpdate on Tue, 01/08/2008 - 4:51pm.
Biology 202
2003 Second Web Paper
On Serendip
Creativity and Bipolar Disorder
Nicole Megatulski
History has always held a place for the "mad genius", the kind who, in a bout of euphoric fervor, rattles off revolutionary ideas, incomprehensible to the general population, yet invaluable to the population's evolution into a better adapted species over time. Is this link between creativity and mental illness one of coincidence, or are the two actually related? If related, does heightened creative behavior alter the brain's neurochemistry such that one becomes more prone to a mental illness like bipolar disorder? Does bipolar disorder cause alterations in neurochemistry in the brain that increase creative behavior through elevated capacity for thought and expression? Is this link the result of some third factor which causes both of the two effects?
Centuries of literature and innumerable studies have supported strong
cases relating creativity--particularly in the arts, music and
literature--to bipolar disorder. Both creativity and bipolar disorder
can be attributed to a genetic predisposition and environmental
influences. Biographical studies, diagnostic and psychological studies
and family studies provide different aspects for examining this
relationship.
A 1949 study of 113 German artists, writers, architects, and composers
was one of the first to undertake an extensive, in-depth investigation
of both artists and their relatives. Although two-thirds of the 113
artists and writers were "psychically normal," there were more suicides
and "insane and neurotic" individuals in the artistic group than could
be expected in the general population, with the highest rates of
psychiatric abnormality found in poets (50%) and musicians (38%). (1)
Many other similar tests revealed this disproportionate occurrence of
mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, in artistic and creative
people, including a recent study of individuals over a thirty-year
period (1960 to 1990). Overall, when comparing individuals in the
creative arts with those in other professions (such as businessmen,
scientists, and public officials), the artistic group showed two to
three times the rate of psychosis, suicide attempts, mood disorders,
and substance abuse. (1)
Another recent study was the first to undertake scientific diagnostic
inquiries into the relationship between creativity and psychopathology
in living writers. Eighty percent of the study sample met formal
diagnostic criteria for a major mood disorder versus thirty percent of
the control sample. The statistical difference between these two rates
is highly significant, where p<.001. This means that the odds of
this difference occurring by chance alone are less than one in a
thousand. Of particular interest, almost one-half the creative writers
met the diagnostic criteria for full-blown manic-depressive illness. (1)
This is not to say that the majority of artists are bipolar but rather
that there is a considerably higher incidence in bipolar disorder among
artists than among the general population.
Collectively, these studies and numerous others have clinically
supported the existence of a link between bipolar disorder and
creativity. Now the question applies: Is bipolar disorder the result of
above-average creativity or is above-average creativity the result of
bipolar disorder or are the two a result of some third factor which
causes the two effects? From the sources I have encountered, I believe
a stronger case is made for the latter, although it is impossible to
scientifically or psychologically answer that question at this time.
Predisposition to bipolar disorder is genetically inherited and current
studies suggest the same for predisposition to creativity but is there
a common genetic factor, which determines the expression of both
traits? If there were, neither creativity nor bipolar disorder would
implicitly cause the other. A recent study hypothesized that a genetic
vulnerability to manic-depressive illness would be accompanied by a
predisposition to creativity, which, according to the investigators,
might be more prominent among close relatives of manic-depressive
patients than among the patients themselves. Significantly higher
combined scores from a creativity assessment test were observed among
the manic-depressive patients and their normal first-degree relatives
than among the control subjects, suggesting a possible genetic link
between the two characteristics, as both are prevalent in families with
a history of bipolar disorder and not as evident in control families. (1)
A wide variety of artistic and creative talents, ranging from music to
art to mathematics, were exhibited among the family members of the
bipolar patients as well. The varied manifestations of creativity
within the same family suggest that whatever is transmitted within
families is a general factor that predisposes them to a creative
mentality, rather than a specific giftedness in a single area. The
coexistence of creativity accompanied by manic depression, whether
expressed in bipolar patients or not expressed in their predisposed
family members, suggests that a third factor, yet unidentified, may be
orchestrating the expression of the two.
Assuming both creativity and bipolar disorder, or at least
predisposition to the illness, are expressed simultaneously, what
accounts for heightened creativity in people upon onset of bipolar
disorder? A deficit in normal information-processing could be
manifested in a severe behavioral disorder, but it could also favor
creative associations between information units or a propensity toward
innovation and originality. (2)
The altered neurological structure and functioning in the frontal lobe,
prefrontal cortex, hippocampus, hypothalamus and cerebellum associated
with bipolar disorder may also allow for more creative thought.
People with bipolar mood disorders tend to be more emotionally
reactive, which gives them greater sensitivity and acuteness. This,
coupled with a lack of inhibition due to compromised frontal lobe
processes, permits them unrestrained and unconventional forms of
expressions, less limited by accepted norms and customs. They are more
open to experimentation and risk-taking behavior, and, as a
consequence, more assertive and resourceful than the mean. (2) (3)
Characteristics of the bipolar disorder, such as lowered inhibition,
allow for freer expression of previously contained ideas and the
constant flux between manic and depressive states also gives an unusual
kaleidoscopic perspective of the world. All of these factors can
account for increased creativity once the illness erupts. (5)
The current model supports the existence of a relationship between
creativity and bipolar disorder as the coexisting effects caused by
some third factor. Uncovering the origin of the relationship between
creativity and bipolar disorder will require continued studies,
particularly those implementing brain scans and genetic isolation
techniques, aimed at identifying this mysterious third factor that
would link the two traits together. (4)
The new equipment and test available, such as PET scans, Magnetic
Resonance Imaging and gene mapping, has complicated the process by
offering new ways to explain bipolar disorder as a possible collection
of disorders presenting closely similar symptoms. Hence, the third
factor may actually be a combination of multiple factors like
environmental insults to fetal development, hormonal imbalances in the
womb and inordinate stress during development in addition to genetic
factors. (6)
When it is determined which of these factors, acting either alone or in
various combinations, are the mysterious third factor, the origin of
the relationship between creativity and bipolar disorder will be
unveiled.
References
1) Jamison, Kay Redfield. Touched with Fire. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1993.2) Journal of Memetics, an article addressing creativity, evolution and mental illness.
3) Bipolar Disorder, an educational resource about bipolar disorder.
4) Manic-Depressive & Depressive Association of Boston, an article discussing the genetics of bipolar disorder.
5) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an online version of the resource book.
6) From Neurons to Neighborhoods, a book that addresses early development of the brain.
Comments made prior to 2007
As a bipolar disorder person, for my entire life, I must compliment the
young lady for her assessment of my conditon. There are several items
that I think the readership of Serendip's Forum must understand, as an
addendum to her article. First and foremost, neither pschiatrists, nor
psychologists, understand what bipolar disorder is, and how the
medications work in the brain to balance that brain and make it
"normal." Secondly, there are no Silver Bullets to help all, only a
percentage of the people who suffer from this destructive illness can
live normal lives, as long as they take their medications as was
prescribed. Thirdly, it is not a mental disorder, but it is a
physiological disorder as there is a deficincy of chemicals to the
receptors of the brain that causes my problem. Presently, I am working
on a book on bipolar disorder, and how my life was a roller coaster
ride, and during my entire life. My book should be finished in about
ten months. The name will be, "The Roller Coaster Ride of a Bipolar
Disorder Patient. Thanks again for her good read ... Michael Joel Hel,
21 April 2006
methodone
can it trigger onset of b p ?
bipolar vs. IQ
I'd like to hear from more bipolar patients on this site, who know there IQ though. IQ has been directly linked to logical thinking and spacial sense, so it would be nice to have some numbers to back up theories. Please only write your IQ if you have taken a book test, and no lying, because that ruins the point of me asking this. I have 145 and bipolar dissorder (This IQ is 3 times confirmed by 3 different books).
IQ
MY IQ is > 145
Bipolar and Lefthanded
I am bipolar and left-handed. If anyone ever studies left-handed, bipolar, red-headed hyperlipodemic diabetics, let me know. I won 120 contests and awards. I told a Dr I won 100 awards and he put me on lithium. I told a Dr I reported a company for 100 OSHA violations and he put me on Depokote. I told a Dr I was writing an ammendment to the Bible and she put me on Risperdol and I paced around shaking for a week. I told a Dr I just slept with 40 women and she put my on Seroquel. I told a Dr now it's 50 and she added Trileptal. I stopped taking Abilify and my grades on writing assignments improved. If it were not for Rozerem and Simply Sleep I would stay up 70 hours at a time writing poems, stories, letters, painting, and winning more awards. Why do we call greatness grandiose? Okay Okay I was talking to spies on the bugged phone, but don't take away my awards!!!!!!!!!
It is often the name of a crime upon which a life shatters
My experience with this "illness" has been one of gratitude, not of fear. As Rilke writes, "Perhaps everything fearful is basically helplessness that seeks our help." Society often gives names to entire sections of life and that does no service to the tapestry of human emotions that compose reality.
"Why should we not encounter difficulties?"
"To return to the subject of aloneness: It becomes increasingly clear that it is basically not something we can choose to have or not to have. We simply are alone. One can only delude one's self and act as though it were not so -- that is all. How much better, however, that we concede we are solitary beings; yes, that we assume it to be true. Our minds will certainly reel at the thought, for all points on which we could heretofore focus shall be taken from us. There is nothing near and familiar left us; everything is in the distance, unendingly far away.
A person would have a similar feeling, were he, with practically no preparation or transition, taken from his home and placed on the summit of a high mountain. It would be a feeling of unequald uncertaintly - a vulnerability to a nameless something would nearly destroy him. He would think he were falling or would believe himself flung out into space or burse asunder into a thousand pieces. What a colossal lie his mind would have to invent to catch up with the condition of his senses and to clarify it. That is how all sense of distance, all measurements change for the one who is alone.
Some of these changes cause many to lose all perspective. And, as with the man on the pinnacle of the mountain, unusual imaginings emerge and strange sensations arise that seem to grow beyond everything endurable. But it is necessary that we experience that also. We must accept our existence to the greatest extent possible; everything, the unprecendented also, needs to be accepted. That is basically the only case of courage required of us: to be courageous in the face of the strangest, the most whimsical and unexplainable thing that we could encounter.
The fact that people have been cowards in that regard has caused infinite harm to life. The experiences that one calls "ghosts", the entire spirit world, death, all these related things have been forced out of life through daily resistance to such an extent that the senses with which we could grasp them have become atrophied. And that is not even considering the question of God.
The fear of the unexplainable not only impoverished the existence of the individual, but also caused the relationship of one person to another to be limited. It is as though fear has caused something to be lifted out of a riverbed of limitless possibilites to a fallow stretch of shore where nothing happens. For it is not inertia alone that causes the unspeakably monotonous and unrenewed human condition to repeat itself again and again. It is the aversion to anything new, any unpredictable experience, which is believed to untenable.
Only he who can expect anything, who does not exclude even the mysterious, will have a relationship to life greater than just being alive; he will exhaust his own wellspring of being. If we liken the existence of the individual to a room of larger or smaller size, it is evident that most people are familiar with only a corner of their room, perhaps a window seat or space where they pace to and fro. In that way they have a certain security. Yet every uncertainty fraught with danger is so much more human. It is th esame uncertainty that motivated the prisoners in Edgar Allen Poe's stories to explore the form of their terrible prisons and not to be a stranger to the unspeakable horrors of their presence there.
But we are not prisoners. There are no traps or snares set for us, and there is nothing that should frighten or torture us. We are placed into life, into the element best suited to it. Besides, through thousands of years of adaptation, we have acquired such a resemblance to this life, that we, if we stood still, would hardly be distinguishable from our surroundings. We have no reason to mistrust our world, for it is not against us. If it has terrors, they are our own terrors. If it has precipices, they belong to us. If dangers are present, we must try to love them. And if we fashion our life according to that principle, which advise us to embrace that which is difficult, then that which appears to us to be the very strangest will become the most worthy of our trust, and the truest.
How could we be capable of forgetting the old myths that stand at the threshold of all mankind, myths of dragons transforming themselves at the last moment into princesses? Perhaps all dragons in our lives are really princesses just waiting to see us just once being beautiful and courageous? Perhaps everything fearful is basically helplessness that seeks our help?
Reality is always for sale to the highest bidder. It always has been. "Please, dear friend, think about this: Did not this great sadness rather pass through you? Did not much within you change? Did you not, somehow at some place in your being, change while you were sad? "
"The only sad experiences which are dangerous and bad are those that one reveals to people in order to drown them out. Like illnesses treated superficially and incompetently, they retreat and, after a short pause, break out even more intensely. They gather together within the self and are life. They are life unlived, ridiculed and scorned. " Rainer Maria Rilke
All of us who labor in the arts know that it can be a lonely existence. And art does not always have to be the classical definition of the word. Art can be the ability to weave from life a tapestry that communicates a vision that no one else seems to value or share. On some days, this can become overwhelming. We then thirst for a single voice of understanding that will reach into our solitary lives and reassure us that the path we have chosen is worthy, and that the rewards it offers are worth the loneliness it entails.
I recommend reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke, a German Poet. It is a deceptively simple book. It consists of ten short letters, written over a five-year period to an aspiring young poet named Franz Xaver Kappus. The letter ranges freely over a variety of subjects, from the dangers of an ironic worldview to the value of faith and the close link between physical and creative ecstasy. But, always, they come back to the fundamnetal theme of the aloneness of the creative spirit, and the demands it makes upon the lives of those who labor in its service. Rilke came from a background that made him deeply sympathetic to the struggles of anyone striving to be an artist. His father had been a career military man and had sent his son off to a military boarding school with the intention of training him to be an officer. Rilke, weak of constitution and romantic in temperament, was ill suited to the physical rigors and severe discipline at the school, and was subjected to numerous cruelties by his classmates and teachers. During these five trying years he found his greatest solace and self-expression in the act of writing poetry.
Here is an excerpt:
"You must not be frightened, dear Mr. Kappus, when a sadness arises within you of such magnitude as you have never experienced, or when restlessness overshadows all you do, like light and the shadow of clouds gliding over your hand. You must believe that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand. It shall not let you fall.
Why should you want to exclude any anxiety, any grief, any melancholy from your life, since you do not know what it is that these conditions are accomplishing in you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where everything comes from and where it is headed? You do know that you are in a period of transition and wish for nothing as much as to transform yourself. If some aspect of your life is not well, the consider the illness to be the means for an organism to free itself from something foreign to it. In that case you must help it to be ill and to have its whole illness, to let it break out. That is the course of its progress.
So much is happening within you at present, dear Mr. Kappus. You need to be as patient as someone ill and as optimistic as one recuperating, for perhaps you are both. And more: You are also the physician who must watch over yourself. But in the course of every illness there are many days in which the physician can do nothing but wait. And that, above all, to the extent that you are your physician, you must do now.
Do not scrutinize yourself too closely. Do not draw conclusions too quickly from that which is happening to you. Just allow it to happen. Otherwise you might easily begin to look with blame (that is, morally speaking) upon your past, which, of course, is very much a part of everything that you encounter now. The influences of the vagaries, the wishes and longings of your boyhood upon your present life are not the ones you remember or pass judgment on. The unusual conditions of a lonely and helpless childhood are so difficult, so complicated, vulnerable to so many influences, and at the same time so distant from all real connections with life, that, whenever a vice may have entered, one may not simply call it a vice. One must, in any case, be very careful with that nomenclature. It is often the name of the crime upon which a life shatters, not the nameless and personal act itself at all. It might have been a definite necessity of this person's life, of which he may simply have availed himself.
The expending of effort seems so important to you only because you value victory too much. It is not the "great thing" that you believe to have achieved, even though you have a right to your feelings. The great thing is that there was something present -- and you were allowed to substitute it in place of your misconceptions -- something true and real. Without it your victory also would have been a mere moral reaction without meaning. As it is, it has become a chapter in your life - your life, dear Mr. Kappus, I think of it wish so many wishes for you.
Do you recall, from your childhood on, how very much this life of your has longed for greatness? I see it now, how from the vantage point of greatness it longs for even greater greatness. That is why it does not let up being difficult, but that is also why it will not cease to grow.
If I were to tell you one more thing, it would be this: Do not believe that the one who seeks to comfort you lives without difficulty the simple and humble words that sometimes help you. His life contains much grief and sadness and he remains far behind you. Were it not so, he would not have found those words."
-----
"It is always my wish that you might find enough patience within yourself to endure, and enough innocence to have faith... Believe me, life is right in all cases." -- Furuborg, Jonsered, Sweden 4 November 1904
"I can only wish that you trustingly and patiently allow that grand solitude to work in you....It will act as an anonymous influence, akin to how ancestral blood constantly moves and merges with our own and links with tha of the individual, never to be unlinked." Paris the day after Christmas, 1908
"Reflect on the world that you carry within yourself. And name this thinking what you wish... Your innermost happening is worth all your love." Rome 23 December 1903
"If you will stay close to nature, to its simplicity, to the small things hardly noticeable, those things can unexpectedly become great and immeasurable." Worpswede, near Bremen 16 July 1903
"Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakably tender hand, placed beside another thread, and held and carried by a hundred others." Viareggio, near Pisa, Italy 23 April 1903
bi polar
I have been on epillum for 2 years and it was like the middle of my brain was shut down. i have been vry depessed and had a manic episode,, a bad one.i seem to be all over the place. previously i took no meds. i gave up drugs and alcohol 4 years ago.and it slows you right down and puts on weight.anyone else on eppilum
prince perplexed
I don't know..
I do know, I drove myself crazy when the whole onset of bipolar hit me. I couldn't fathom myself being a real life crazy person, and the worst part was I had to admit that to myself. I see a lot of people sharing their 4 part cocktails with us, this is really non conclusive information, because everybody gets a unique diagnosis. Don't wait for a doc to tell you what's up, go read on it and indulge yourself, you all have insight, sharp enough to trigger your moods, so fuck the doctors. I do have some words for the people that are new to all of this, please don't dwell on your diagnosis and all of your shortcomings, embrace yourself, fight for and seek creative outlets. I play guitar, it's great, it makes my dreams come true, and lets me exercise my ego...so all of that manic energy you have has truth.
Identifying Mania before its too late
I was manic for about 6 months I guess, maybe more I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out if I still am. I realize now what I did during my mania that was destructive but how do you realize before. I guess I should just wait to see. When you start feeling too good about life I guess its safe to say your manic right? Ofcourse I have the same fear as everyone else and I guess my therapist knows why I lie about taking my meds. What does anyone know about Lamictal. They want me to take it. I read all the clinical stuff i want to know from an actual person though. Thanks
re: what is Lamictal
Lamotrigine ('Lamictal' = trade / manufacturers name) tends to work well in preventing swings to depression. but it's not an antidepressant, which are not generally appropriate for bi polar as they tends to induce rapid cycling (this happened to me after being on Citalopram for a long time) - it's an anitconvulsant, originally designed to prevent epileptic seizures. a by product of it, so to speak, is it also works as a 'mood stabiliser'. there are a number of anti-convulsants used to treat bi polar. i take lamotrigine, it's been working for me. my mood swings were so bad i was close to losing my job. lamotrigine was the first treatment i was put on, and later, as mania was still quite bad, i was given the anti-psychotic quetiapine. anti psychotic drugs are not a scary as the name implies; if you want me to write about my experience of them then do say so.
jim
Lamictal
Hi Jim,
How long have you been on lamictal? I was on it before and felt better mood wise but a little blocked creatively. I also felt flat and I was only on 25 mg. Maybe I am just used to the emotional intensity my illness provides. I can't stand the thought of losing my creativity. I stopped taking lamictal after about 4 or 5 months. Most people tell me to give it more time, at least a year. Any advice?
I have never taken meds
I am so terrified of not being able to write anymore can anyone on meds tell me the truth. Will I lose it! Where can we post poetry.
Re: I have never taken meds
Hi, I started on Lamotrigine and later, Quetiapine following my diagnosis. I can say that in my experience so far it has not had any adverse effect on my creative endeavours, in fact the opposite. In my case, the main problem was depression though mania was a big factor. The mood stabiliser levelled off the depression and the anti-psychotic keeps the mania in check, though i am not totally mania free, at the moment i tend to rapid cycle. So i tend to have more energy to do more work, leading to more confidence, and coupled with the fact that i am a lot better than i was, i am enjoying myself more. that i think is VERY important to free yourself up for creative work. There have been studies, one of which I remember concentrated on manic depressive painters. I think they were given lithium, and most of them actually did more work/painting, a few of them did less, and some just stayed the same.
it's up to you - with the results of the study in mind, i think the benefits are there to be tasted.
WOW
Well i never thought i would come across something that made me feel a little less mad. Having an unbalanced brain such as myself you tend to think that you are alone in this and you are going mad! I now know that its not the case. I suffer from mood swings like you would never believe. Some days i love my life, people around me and my creative streak and other days i feel as though my world is closing in and i get irrational thoughts as the panic takes over and cripples me. It takes me ages to get over this empty feeling then like someone has swicthed a swicth, im back on top of the world again cursed to have another episode in the next few weeks. I have had this problem since i was a child but it has got so much worse. Now my brain has its own life and decides to scare the crap out of me every couple of days. I am trying to get published as i love to write childrens short stories (fantasy) but i cant concerntrate and focus myself. Its been a problem for a while as i have been sitting on my books for years but have never had the courage to send them off. If i dont do it now i never will, ill percrastinate till the next great idea enters my head!! So to all Bipolar sufferers. I think that we have a gift in some ways, it makes us more creative then others and we should do something with it. If we stick together and help each other it will make life that little bit easier. MWAH xx
The connection between art and "insanity"
One amazing factor is the dopamine system. I have been following up the studies being done right now about the comparison between the artistic talents and those afflicted with bipolar. I am a poet so naturally this illness affects my creative talent as well as my ability to love. Researchers gathered people who were in "healthy" relationships and those who were outside of one. They found bipolar's dopamine system becomes almost instantly and potently activated when shown a picture of their current/former love. It dumped about 25-35% more serotonin and dopamine then those of stable condition. Even more disturbing was the effects after the initial rush had passed. Some turned radically violent, nostalgic, or panicked briefly. Post interview would find 3 in 5 affected had an artistic talent and felt their disorder greatly impacted their work. Perhaps there is something contributed to the prolonged exposure of such chemical malfunction? Medication, from first hand experience, kills. You cannot heal or cope if the thing supposed to be making you better makes you want to self-terminate. Haven't found a psyc either willing to say what he thinks rather than repeat, "So what do you think?" Though it sucks to have, would you replace your talent and emotional content for a "regular" life?
Dr. Jamison states a 3rd
Dr. Jamison states a 3rd unknown factor or mystery, which may link creativity and manic depression together. My thoughts too ascend toward spirituality and the Divine Being of God. I often wonder, and tend to believe, to have a sensitive brain with all the wonderous gifts which accompany it, indeed is a gift from God. The real trick is being able to manage the severity of eposides of rapid cycling, and the trama of severe depressions and mania's or and hypomania's. yet, it doesn't extingish the ardent love for life and experimenting in it,and adventuring through it. Even in painfull episodes, attempting to focus energy on learning from it seems helpful and productive.
In this mode of existence of creativity and bipolarity- Life is Sublime and extraordinary! We have lots of help, thanks to Doctors like Jamison and Goldberg. So we are even blessed with experts to help us navagate through the suffering part of this bipolar experience. I thank the Divine Providence and Goodness of God for this help. There is so much life and energy to utilize in this mode of Being, lets remember! Constantly trying to improve ourselfs, ever mindful of affecting the lifes of others.
Bipolar Disorder
Yet I still wonder if there really is a connection or link between bipolar disorder and artists....
Re: Bipolar Disorder
i don't think it means 'having bipolar makes you more likely to become an artist', which i think is the misconception here (though i'm not saying you have misconstrued it, i am just speaking generally). it's just there seems to be a high prevelance of the illness in those types, that is, those who have been studied. retrospective analyses have concluded that beethoven, for example, may have been bipolar, or exhibited bi polar behaviours. well, er yes of course he did. you've got to account for a possible bias in the studies and so on. are we looking for a link? have we looked for bipolar in prominent businessmen? we'd probably find it if we did.
bipolar in businessmen hmmmm
good point. i started 3 businesses. talk about risk taking. but isnt designing a business a creative pursuit? i bet we would find more bipolar business start-ups, but fewer "prominent" businesspeople capable of surviving their lows to maintain a growing profit. my 3 businesses failed, i worked at them manically, and ended up in an institution doing artwork
I am bi polar as well and
I am bi polar as well and I've come up with this theory without any prior knowledge to research and studies done already. I also believe bi-polar to have something to do with divinity....please, if anyone knows whaaat im saying here..please e mail me jake_1288@hotmail.com. because alot of things have been happening to me lately that are unfolding into somthing here yet my life is collapsing more and more every day. i dont want to take meds for fear of losing my creative thoughts that i beleive are truely benificial to society... but it always comes back to the feelings of divinity... please do not judge. i say house, you may think of a red one, and he may think of a green one. everyone has a diferent perception. please dont call me crazy, but know that everyone is different for a reason.
crazy's not so bad
I am a bipolar as well and I struggle with myself everyday. I don't want to take medication either, even though, that is what everyone seems to recommend to me. I am afraid I will lose my creativity and my ability to think outside of that proverbial box. I understand completely what you are saying. We all have the potential for greatness. I believe that. I study philosophy and poetry. Through these arts I aim to discover myself and the world to the best of my ability, and share my insights, experiences so others may learn something. I feel I have been chosen to disseminate this knowledge and experience to the world. I am most passionate about the existentialists, since they emphasize self exploration and analysis. To truly know oneself naturally opens you up to the rest of the universe. My life is simply a journey of self discovery. That is enough for me.
However, I am frequently derailed by my own drama and chaos. It is difficult for me to stay put anywhere for more than a year or hold down a job. I am very emotional and impulsive and...well it's a long list. But at the same time I think, everyone has some burden(s) to live with. All and all, being bipolar is not among the worst of them. Life was never meant to be easy. To be honest, if it was, I'd probably be bored.
Fear of losing creativity
I too was afraid of losing my creativity if I tool meds, but once my dr. found the right combination, everything is better. I am still as creative and I can manage it much better. I have been able to complete writing projects and publish them. I don't have to wait for a creative high to come along; I can stimulate my creativity through music, prayer, etc. My psychologist told me that bipolar disorder does not GIVE you abilities or personality; instead, it ENHANCES what YOU already have. This is true. I am the same special person now but able to contribute my talents to the world.
If a medicine dulls you out and you can get in touch with your creative self, tell your dr. you'll have to try something else. Also, try NeuroFeedback. It is non-invasive and it retrains your brain to reduce its anxiety and to respond better to stimuli. It has changed my life.
Bipolar Disorder
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and just started taking meds. It really hit home when you expressed the divinity aspect of having this illness. Some of the thoughts that I have are so moving it leaves me immobile and then I crash. Im working on expressing myself also so the world can benefit from the ideas that I have. I live inside of myself a lot and I'm really afraid to let go. It feels so much like home when your down and going through episodes. But on the flip side I know I need to take my meds. Anyway I apologize for changing the tone of this message. Hang in there and eveerything will be alright. Shoot me an email if you ever need to express some things.
Advice?
Wow. When you said "I live inside of myself a lot and I'm really afraid to let go" that just hit me because... that's what I say about myself, that I live inside myself, that is. I actually wrote that in a poem. That exact phrase. I came to this article because my life is spiraling out of control and I have a notion that there is something not quite normal about me. I've always been a super creative person. I've played four instruments and excelled at art classes all of my life. I've always loved to write. This is mainly prose, but sometimes poetry just comes spurting out of me and I have to find a pen and paper and write it down. I recently started working on theatrical design, too. And there was something about math relating to creativity. I've never liked math, but I've always been good at it. A lot of the time I'm really... well my friends call it calm, but I guess it would be depressed when the euphamisms are pushed aside. But sometimes I'm really happy for no reason. And sometimes I don't sleep at all or very little for days on end. And sometimes I'm constantly getting myself into projects to keep me busy. But then when I'm calm I'm super calm. There was a period last January when I slept all the time. I was sleeping for 36 hours straight. And then I'm always tired. And I don't do my work. And I can just sit alone and do nothing for ever. And at other times I get so restless I want to do things and go out and be active and I talk to my family a lot more then too. Or anyone around, really. I don't know. I could just be overreacting. But I just started college... and it's not working out so well. So the other day I went to see someone about what was going on. And it was only after that that I thought about this. There was a sign in the clinic that advertised meetings for people with bipolar disorder and cyclothymia. And I was curious as to what cyclothymia was. So I looked it up. And that's what started all of this. I guess what I'm agonizing over now is do I just let the psychologist do her thing? or do I bring my research up? I mean I don't want to seem like I'm just a hypochondriac or seem like I'm taking this disorder lightly at all... I don't know. Does anyone have any advice?
Me Too
Bless you hun, reading these posts has made me feel a little less restless. I went to the doctors not long ago as i was having really bad episodes where as for 3 weeks i was feeling on top of the world then as quickly as it came it was gone and replaced with a seriously deep feeling of no self worth, anxiety, panick attacks and irrational thoughts. I felt like all the creativity and personality had been sucked out of me and i couldnt handle it!! Then a few days later i was writing my books again and feeling like i could anything? I too feel as though people think that i am just over reacting but when your lying in bed and shaking as your whole world is spinning ut of control and you dont know what is going with your unbalanced moods, the crying, the laughing the complete icoaltion then you are social butterfly? Absoulutly crippling! I am scared that if i take meds it will stop my fantastic ideas for my books and then im nothing. My creativity makes me who i am, i cant think about not being able to express myself, i cry to the thought of not having ideas pop into my head now and again. So i will try the talking route and see where it takes me. Not sure if anyone is the same but i am the kind of person thats wants it now, i want to know whats wrong with me today not months down the line! Go figure, maybe ill just embrase teh fact im different and go from there! xx
As you get older, this is
As you get older, this is going to get worse. Medication is the first step that you will eventually have to take, so start now. I have not lost my creativity because I insisted my doctor put me on something else when a medicine dulled my out. Keep trying doctors to find one who understands that we must have our creativity to be whole.
Agree but disagree....
It will get worse...but meds are not always the answer. i no longer believe in medication to "help" with this disorder. At least not current methods. I'm a type I with rapid cycling and have an over active defensive mechanism. Tried cycling through doctors, several combination of meds (since one isn't enough), and been to countless individual/group therapy sessions. the pills only worked for a short time before the dose had to be increased or new cocktails experimented with. Not much help. Increased my thoughts/attempts at self-termination instead of nullifying them, killed many natural drives, and they can be hard to come down from. Just as my opinion, meds and docs are not the whole solution to "getting better". i despise the fact there are very few accepted/known alternatives to maintaining stability with such a disorder. but there are others out there besides routinely taking some pills to become chemically balance for a time. all depends on perspective and experience with coping with this in an individuals life course. Best of luck if you choose meds...more if alternatives are sought.
....nothing but mere shadows and dust....
Not really a morbid statement. But its true. Though we are part of the collective infected on this Earth, we are just like the rest of our brethren...we are human. Yet, instead of seeing this world through a telescope that allows us to narrowly view the course, we see it with the kaleidoscope of emotional arrays and spectrum. Learning to deal with our malfunctions as well as developing ways to cope is paramount to a bipolar. As far as meds are concerned....that is up to each individual. But I do wish you the best if that is the course you want to take.
It is often the most random times my "switch" is triggered or shut off. The only thing bad is the rapid-cycling. One day, will arise to take the whole world on with one hand behind my back...then the next if not a few later as if I just exist without a purpose. Just pulled out of a depression cycle a few weeks back and am happy to say it was done with no help but personal remedies. During that time, my quill dried and poetry ceased. As frustrating as it may be, its better to just take a break and let the ride even out before proceeding. Write down abstract thoughts you have or are dwelling on in a notebook next to your books. They don't even have to make sense for it is just for the sake of tricking your mind into believing it can write through such harsh times. When that fails, at least you have some interesting material to read during the rise into normal levels or mania. Just remember...though everything may be wanted in the here and now, there are something that are best gazed upon for a few moments before the answer is reviled. Trust me, I'm the same way...like a cat chasing a laser it will never catch, won't give up until the answer is in my grasp.
I'd be more than happy to share the research found, personal experience, as well as advice collected.
A bit of advice
Its part of the condition. Sleepless night, nostalgic feelings, or just being too tired all the time. The hardest part about this illness is it differs from person to person. Since diagnoses at 13, I have been on a never ending quest for a cure. Ten years later, still haven't found one. And that's just it. There isn't one for all. Each "cure" created is for the individual, by the individual or with outside aid. One may play sports rather than write when feeling downed or oppressed. It all depends on the outlet. Being able to accept oneself as what they really are is often the hardest part due to the overwhelming notion to try and fit in with the rest of the crowd. Therefore, some clam up and go away inside and let others take over. This brings us back to the psychologist. From my experience, they are there for initial diagnoses, medication, and mediation between you and the psychiatrist. If you have questions, bring them up! Last thing you want is to be dosed up on meds you don't even need or a misdiagnoses. Always, if not eternally, question when it comes down to dealing with this issue. The more you know, the more you can help yourself and address the areas that need attention with the disorder.
bipolar divinity
Would God cause such hardship so that we could have more insightfulness? That was a very strong concern of mine for a few years. Praying has been a better resource for me. I need to center on the peace and love that eminates from a heartfelt relationship with God. And medictions are not an afront to divinity. Peace.
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