Cocaine in the Brain

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Biology 202
2000 First Web Report
On Serendip

Cocaine in the Brain

Melissa Hoegler

"Cocaine delivers an intensity of pleasure - and despair - beyond the bounds of normal human experience."

During the 1980s, Partnership for a Drug Free America began airing commercials that seem to either frighten or educate people about the use of illegal drugs. One of these commercials avowed, "No one ever says, 'I want to be a junkie when I grow up'." The comment is obvious, but very true. Probably very few people aspire to be drug addicts. But it happens, everyday. Why? What is so good about a drug that can potentially destroy a person's body? How does it work? What are its effects on the brain? Why is it so hard to quit?

Cocaine (C17H21NO4) comes from the leaf of an Erythroxylon coca bush. It is a drug that effects the central nervous system. It causes feelings of euphoria, pleasure, increased energy and alertness. People under the influence of cocaine often do not feel the need for food or sleep. They also feel energetic and may talk a lot. However, depending on factors such as environment, dosage, and the manner in which the drug is taken, cocaine can have adverse effects such as violent, erratic behavior, dizziness, paranoia, insomnia, convulsions, and heart failure to name a few. Long- term effects of cocaine include, but are not limited to strokes, heart attacks, seizures, loss of memory, and decrease in learning capability (1).

People may not always know the exact consequences of the drug they are taking, however, chances are that they do know that the drug is unhealthy for them. Schools across the country educate about the dangers of drug use and abuse through programs like D.A.R.E., television stations show anti-drug advertisements as a public service, and even city buses blazon anti-drug propaganda. People are aware that very rarely does anything good come from drug use, and still, everyday people fall victim to drugs. Why do people succumb to the urge to try drugs? It feels good...why else?

When a person takes cocaine, it causes a rush. There is between one or two minutes of intense pleasure. This is followed by five to 8 minutes of euphoria, then as the high comes down, an overwhelming urge for more, which may last for a day. (3) When a user is between cocaine doses or halts usage, the opposite effects occur. The user is depressed and tired (2).

Cocaine is attractive to users because it triggers dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is present in many regions of the brain. In normal mice, the introduction of cocaine increases dopamine by 150 percent. Dopamine regulates movement, emotion, motivation, and the feeling of pleasure. In a normal brain, dopamine is released by a neuron into a synapse and then it moves to dopamine receptors on other neurons. It is then moved back to the neuron that transmitted the dopamine initially.

When cocaine enters the area of the brain where the dopamine is located, it blocks the reuptake pumps that remove the dopamine from the synapse of the nerve cell. Thus, more dopamine gathers at the synapse and feelings of intense pleasure result. This feeling continues until cocaine is naturally removed from the system (2). Research findings by the National Institute of Drug Addiction (NIDA) demonstrate that cocaine not only effects the level of dopamine in the brain, but also the level of seratonin. In a study using mice without dopamine transporters, the mice were given cocaine and they still experienced rewarding effects. This was obvious because the animals kept on attempting to get or self-administer more. These researchers speculate that more than one neurotransmitter is responsible for the pleasurable feeling cocaine yields (2). Although main hypothesis as to why cocaine is so pleasurable, is that it alters levels of dopamine, norepinephrine, and seratonin, some scientists report that cocaine effects approximately 90 different parts of the brain, not just the two main regions of the amygdala and the nucleus accumbens. However, it is interesting that it is these two regions of the brain that remain active after the cocaine has left the system, and the powerful, uncontrollable desire for the drug has set in. (3)

The first time people use cocaine and its effects fade, they want more. Such is the nature of the drug. The main reason cocaine use continues is the need to experience the "high" and the development of dependence. Dependence is, "the need to maintain a level of the drug in the brain to both satisfy the need and stimulate the reward center, and avoid physical withdrawal symptoms" (5). There is continual research occurring about dependence and how it can be streamlined.

It was recently discovered through newer imaging techniques that cocaine hinders blood flow. This is why is it can cause brain damage or defects. Recent research demonstrates that if a cocaine user even thinks about cocaine, the blood flow is altered . This suggests that the addictive nature of the drug is stronger than we think, because simply thinking about it produces similar results in addicts' brains' (4). This is likely to be a result of the way in which cocaine changes the structure of an abuser's brain. For example n experiments done with lab rats, scientists reported that after repeated exposure to cocaine, the rats' dendrites changed by becoming bigger and denser. This means that an increase in synaptic connectivity results from cocaine use which triggers people and animals to work harder to attain the drug (6).

Scientists are working furiously for a way to combat cocaine addiction. They specifically are examining the genetic factors that contribute to the addiction (5). However, even if scientists do identify all of the factors that cause addiction, they are still faced with the dilemma of how exactly to stop the addiction. New hope to end cocaine addiction lies in experimental drugs, such as one that is used to treat epilepsy and holistic approaches such as acupuncture.

Although it may seem like science knows a great deal about addiction and the effects of cocaine, scientific knowledge still cannot make the cocaine problem disappear. There is no sure cure for cocaine addiction. Once you try the drug, addiction strikes randomly, like a bullet in a game of Russian roulette. There is no cure for the addiction. Before trying the drug, really think, is a moment of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?

 

WWW Sources

1)Facts About Cocaine, The Addiction Research Foundation out of Canada produced this site. It contains basic information about cocaine, its effects, and facts about addiction.

2)Cocaine's Pleasurable Effects May Involve Multiple Chemical Sites, This site is a part of NIDA notes. It explains theories about the way cocaine effects the brain. There is a picture of how cocaine effects the neurotransmitter .

3) Intricate Effects of Cocaine on the Brain Seen In Scans , Some older (3 years), but more controversial research about cocaine use. It shows cool pictures of brain scans.

4) Researches see how cocaine Affects the Brain, Highlights an experiment involving images of butterflies and cocaine. Interesting results.

5) New Targets in the Brain's Reward CenterThis article concentrates on the genetic causes of coke addiction.

6) Repeated Exposure To Cocaine Alters Brain Structure", Talks about the long term effect of coke on the brain and nerves.



Comments made prior to 2007
You made a good speach but if you have not tried it yourself you should not speak about it. There is no addiction it is all about getting as high, butalso if you smoke or are just a weak person with no will-power than yes it will make you steal or get in so deep you have to take yourself out of it or this cruel world. I just thought incase you have not tried it you may never want to, because once you do even just one little line you feel alot different the next day, and not to mention if you do it enough you will eventually move a step up to cooking or smoking it which is ten times worse. Depending what you think is worth losing, your brain and nasial cavity, or your lungs,stomach, and chest pieces you choke or cough up in chunks with a bunch of black shit.Any ways I was just going through alot of these cocain sites and stuff so I'm sorry to have to go through with this but everyone got pretty much the same thing because ...what I am reading... may be true but these people like I said they sound like they have not it or they are taking their stuff straight from books or sites. Cause if not they would see that it is the weak minded people whocannot control the addiction whichis not an addiction it just seems like it because it is expensive and there is never enough at the end and if you cannot control or handle the fiend phase you are screwed and will buy more if obtainable.Sorry for writing so much but like Isaid earlier lot of these are out of a book and if it says comment on I did. Personally Your speech thing is pretty good it just needs some" insight from an user it would make your speech more powerful". sorry for no email I would like to keep in touchover email but I don't know how to make one. Last thing board people and loners usually have the worst will-power after the smokers or the daily pot smokers usually are the weakest or most likely to start or becone addicted "remember this their is no addiction only the love for something, also it takes 25 dayes to gain or break a habit depending on how powerfull the person asmoker like me it may only take a week or so because I am already addicted to something and alot of the tim change is good" sorry for wasting your time if you actually decided to actually read this but like I said I am baked off it and reading what it is doing to my body and because it is a fridayor saturday thing since i do work monday to friday. any ways if possible write back you can cut me up in your smart way like everyone else does for doing it but if I felt I had a reason although you always crave it it is all about fulfilling that feeling without going overboard with it, that inmy opinion although it hurts the body same way in my opinion that is the difference between me "an user" and an every day addict which by the way does not mean they are addicted they may just like it for the fun or great high it gives you every time.....THANK YOU FOR READING ... Shane Skylar, 9 November 2006

 

 

where the cool pictures mentioned. just another article with pictures. dont need to see what cocaine looks like but what the brain looks like after extended use ... Kelley, 22 November 2006

Comments

yvonne hiller's picture

STOP!! NOW!

What a heartbreaking story this was, makes want to weep! But all is not lost, you can still have a good life and that life could be spent helping others. Also, I would encourage you to seek after God, the bible says that if you seek him with all your heart he will come to you. I pray that this will happen to you and that you would become a "new" person and that you would come to know Jesus Christ as your personal saviour. I am so touched by what I just read that I am weeping. Love in the name of Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lord!!! Amen!

Serendip Visitor's picture

Never knew until I thought about it and did research

It was a Friday night .I was sitting at the computer and I heard alot of people outside .I didn't have any friends around my neighborhood mainly because I'm new around town.So I decided to go outside and talk and maybe meet some new friends to hang with for the moment. I smoke weed so I ask them did they have any(but I dont smoke weed often).One of my friends I wasn't too sure with ,said he had some weed ,he said "follow me " so I did.

I went in the house with him and he had some weed. But when his friend who was a girl walked in , she notice that my friend had something in his nose and she tried to clear it for him(it was coke).He ask me did I do any other drug besides weed such as coke and I told him "NO".I'm not sure if he knew if he still had some coke on his hand before touching the weed,but after smoking the weed .I decided to leave .

Once I got home I noticed when I swallowed some juice I had pored,it seemed as if I had something in my noise . As time goes by , I felt some type of way ,I stood up and went in the bathroom, I felt so horrable .Its like I never felt this way off of weed a day in my life. So I was looking at myself in the mirror and desided to talk and negotiate with myself if I should tell my friends back home the story ,because I felt like such a coke head and it wasn't even a large substance of it .(My friends doesn't do coke and neither do I, thats why I was alittle wierd about telling them the situation ).

I then went back on the computer as if nothing had happened feeling alittle more happy and started to feel like the high went down and felt like I smoked weed. (I DONT KNOW IF COKE WAS INVOLVED ,MAYBE A LITTLE GOT ON THE WEED FROM WHEN HE DID THE COKE EARLIER BEFORE I GOT THERE , BUT IT WAS THE WORST FEELING EVER IN MY LIFE).

I continue to hang with my friends but they knew I didn't do any other drug other then weed. They had some weed I smoked with them again and it actually felt like I smoked weed. I FELT SOME TYPE OF WAY SO I DESIDED TO do some research about coke.That explain why I am on this website today.My emotional behavior seem like the cokehead stories on this website. And out of the research that I've done ,maybe there was a mixture of drugs that day .I WOULD NOT WANT TO EVER DO COKE IN MY LIFE, IT MAYBE GREAT FOR OTHER PEOPLE , BUT ITS NOT A GREAT FEELING TO ME ,I GUESS THAT DRUG IS NOT FOR ME AND I DONT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT DRUG AGAIN.(Haven't smoked weed since , I just been having mixed feelings,maybe I shouldn't do that drug either.)

Serendip Visitor's picture

Fibromyalgia

I was diagnosed with fibro 5 years after i quit a 4 year binge. studies need to be done on this subject. i currently take 9 medications most for pain one for bi-polar, and two for sleep. wanted to share this

gregory house's picture

vicodin anyone?

vicodin anyone?

G-lina's picture

non coke user

Please, listen to the words of someone does not do drugs but eventually it turned out that she did become a victim of these.
I lost my fiance because of the drug use. He is hooked on coke. After the use became heavy, he cheated on me,lied to me,confused me, he broke my heart...I ended up attending the psychotherapy sessions since I had a great difficulty in dealing with the way things went on. I fell into a depression which has been lasting for few months already.

Look at Us, coke users, look what you are doing to the loving you ones. It's a sad, tragic and even mean somehow what you decide to do. It's an immoral choice, driven by very primitive urges.
I wish a lot of success to everybody who is fighting or wants to fight the addiction.
And to the ones whose loved ones are addicted, a lot of strenght in moving on with their lives. Forgive them their mistakes. It's always a first step in healing our wounded souls and hearts...

Serendip Visitor - ali's picture

My partner of 11 years,

My partner of 11 years, became an ex who hounded me for 22 months and gave coke out to people who couldn't handle it, 2 attempted suicide, one failed, one succeeded. He then took his own life. I dont think he could live with the crushing guilt. He went 'cold-turkey' for 10 days. He didn't stand a chance. It was only after he died that I found out he had been using cocaine for 2 years.........he was an addict, highly likely using it every day. I too ended up attending psychotherapy sessions, apparently that's quite normal for the significant other of a coke addict. He projected all his problems onto me. I became his scape-goat.
Our son and my older 4 children to whom he was step-dad for 11 years, have to live with this and have obliterated most of their happy childhood from their memories. Christmas is impossible. Living here is impossible.
The pain of loss and betrayal is impossible to bear.
The inquest put his depression down to our relationship.

So who is paying for his mistakes? Me?, my children?

Why does no-one understand the ravages of cocaine?

I know its not my fault. I have always hated drugs. But I will spend the rest of my life picking up the pieces.

G-lina's picture

Right...none realizes what

Right...none realizes what does it do to the people involved. We also suffer, we blame ourselves, we dont sleep at night, we worry, its sometimes impossible to move on.

Serendip Visitor's picture

where are you?

where are you?

G-lina's picture

It's such a universal problem

It's such a universal problem that could happen to everyone. It doesnt matter where I am.

Serendip Visitor's picture

First time i sniff coke was

First time i sniff coke was just a joke, fun... It was me an my flat mate and we just wanted to see how it feels, so I had 3 lines but i didn't feel anything apart from a strage taste.
Second time i was with my friend and few more guys on a sunday, we started drinking wisky and sniffing coke from about 9pm till 9am, that's when i started feeling strage, I was happy for no reason, I couldn't stop talking, I had so much energy, i was feeling so high, I didn't what that night to ever finish. I phone sick at work and we all try to go to sleep about 9am, but i couldn't, I started to feel guilty for not keeping up with my responsabilities, i had the though that my boss will fire me... so i took a taxi i went home pick up my car and go to work. By the time i got to the office, i was all shaking, sweating and i started to have uncotroled movements of my head and biting my lips. My boss sent me home.. Even now i feel so luck and so happy that i got home safe without having a car accident. I went to sleep and i woke up in the evening feeling much better.
Third time i didn't want to touch not even to see coke as i was scared, so i decide just to have some drinks, but becouse everyone around me was doing it i couldn't resiste after few drinks.
This was happening about three or four times a week. In the first two months it was fun as i didn't overdo it... but after we started to take more, my friend was ok all the time, but she use to tell me that my face changes when I sniff and I have uncontoled movements, but I never felt that.. She stop me several times from overdo it. After a while I didn't enjoy it no more as i was feeling depressed, and everytime i was happy and high i started to have moments when i was saying to myself "what are you doing? this is not right? what are you happy for? there is no reason to be happy?" i started to hate myself for that, but becouse of the people around me and my "friends" i was always corrupted.
The last time i took cocaine, me and my friend was going to have dinner at my "boyfriend's" house who was living alone. After dinner we decided to have some drinks, and after we got drunk we started to sniff, i had to call sick at work as we was still up at 8am.. by been so high and not thinking anymore.. very embarrassing things happen..
I couldn't fall asleep so i decided to drive back home, i scratch my car, i couldn't reverse, i was so deperssed, i was feeling so shamefull of what happend, but strage... my "friend" was ok, i couldn't look in her eyes. So I got home, she went to sleep... i went to pack my staff and i moved out.
Since then i decide i would never do that again. I avoid all the people that do that in special when i go out, and now i'm more careful when i choose my friends. Are 4 months since i didn't take cocaine, I feel much better .. but even now sometimes i have moments when i get very depressed and i'm sure is from that as before i use to be the most happiest person.
I'm not a strong person, that's why i will keep away from this people, i won't try to make them understand is not good because they may corrupe me. And words never made me understand what i'm doing untill i felt it.

Thanks for reading.

Tom's picture

My Opinion

Well it seems that there is a variety of opinions as well as a large divide between the people who have seen the effects of cocaine on loved ones and those who are most likely driving those people crazy. Cocaine is a powerful tool. Cocaine as stated in previous comments chemically affects the brain in a way that, although professionals have studied, its true essence lies in the soul of the user. I have been using it for almost ten years now and it has shown me pain and anguish like I would never wish on anyone. I understand that this is something that I must experience in order to truly understand the purpose of being alive. YES these could be construed as the ramblings of a man in the throes of cocaines false confidence. Ive seen what people write in this state of mind. Its easy to dismiss. What some do not realize, is that this is a plant that has existed for as long as man has, and true to nature it holds secrets to the human brain which is infinitely more powerful then the shell of our mortal selves.

Im sorry if my thoughts have not been fleshed out as I would like them to be. I definetly blame the drug and drink abuse. I know that if you get caught in its grasp it can be a hellish nightmare either if you can't buy more. Or on the other side, you cant stop doing it because you have all this cash and once you start money loses its value in comparison to the experience you gain. What is that worth? Your life? Well what is your life worth? Are you here just to feed the machine that somehow doesnt represent any of the qualities that you believe are inherent to humans? One of the most powerful traits that we have is the abilty to speak. Cocaine connects everything that you would ever want to say and makes it flow like a swift current propelling thoughts and emotions towards an unknown destination. For that time it seem as though the reason for being alive is to be, well, alive. Its the most beautiful and horrible item Ive ever chosen to ingest[a fast food diet would probably destroy your soul just as much]. So if you feel up for the task and feel that you are mentally prepared. By all means, have at 'er. Just know that when you get "addicted" which happens to all of us in some shape or form[repeating actions]. Realize that this is completely under your power and this is the consequence of your descion. Im mad that I couldnt really get a truely lucid and pure description of the drug but I think what we all need is to loosen up a bit.

Ugh,

Serendip Visitor's picture

Reply to "my opinion" and "soulmate"

I see what you're saying in that it's a naturally occurring substance, and maybe it shouldn't even be looked down upon any more than cigarettes and alcohol. Let me just preface by saying that our brain doesn't actually have naturally occurring receptors for cocaine or its chemicals - the only endogenous receptors we do have are for benzos (basically, anti-anxiety meds.) Cocaine is like an artificial sweetener that eventually eats away at your brain like sugar would do to your teeth. Except you can't exactly go to a neurosurgeon and get those cavities filled.

Anyways, I get your opinion. However, if you're going to rationalize it like that, saying cocaine is a way to "propel thoughts and emotions," if you're going to use it to enhance "the qualities that you believe are inherent to humans," what exactly are you saying about the worth of your life? From reading the posts on this forum and looking at the literature about cocaine's effects on health, especially long term health, it seems like some fraction of your life is a state of euphoric bliss beyond what is humanely possible. Maybe it is the ultimate way to enhance your youth, feel like a god; I can't deny that this isn't a beguiling temptation. But you are basically condensing your life into maybe 5-10 good years, and then you are reduced to a shell of a human, floundering for more of the drug, a slave to it. I volunteered at a crisis hotline and listened to countless stories of peoples' experiences with drugs, and now all they want is to "get better," but sadly there's a dearth of resources. These people thought it might be fun, maybe they thought their life had no hope for benefiting from endogenous pleasures, who ignored enjoying the beauty in the faces of their children, or in nature, or nice weather, or in setting goals and working towards them.

You say that using this drug is what it means to truly enjoy the joys of being alive? It's more powerful than the shell of our mortal selves? After cocaine has its way with you, you basically succumb to an emptiness beyond which all hope for recovery is gone. You will eventually see what it truly means to be a shell of a mortal. To me, drug use represents the fear that you cannot attain adequate pleasure from living life as it is meant to be lived. None of us should feel such a worthless curiosity or give in to this short lived temptation. You have your whole lifetime to discover beauty and magic and explore the mysteries of this world. Don't sell yourself for any less just because you want to experience some sort of shortcut to happiness, because this kind of happiness will only end in regret. Why would you want such an end?

mark's picture

think i found my soulmate

this is in direct response to the last post entitled "my opinion" by tom.
literally every sentence from beginning to start had me sitting at the edge of chair in excitement screaming YES! YES! YES!. the way you chose to describe it, with respect to the words you chose is not how i would have said it myself. however, the underlying meaning, understanding, sense of logic or reasoning, that you describe as being a result of using the drug is exactly the way i feel. not necessarily saying that one who has never used can never understand what you say, except that one who has never used cannot truly feel what you say. i am going to stop as i havent used in a week and a half, have a lot of other shit on my mind right now and have trouble expressing exactly what i feel is my connection is with you right now that i dont feel with anyone else really. my email address i used to post this reply i may not be able to access but if you post a reply on this page again with your email i will create a new email and we can get in touch, as i have bookmarked this page and will be checking as often as i can in the hopes that you reply. i feel we can have some discussions that would truly be beyond words.

David Ceresito's picture

Drug Abuse

They Just want to feel what the world won't let them.
They want to die.Escape From the pain and confusion of this world.
These are not the automatons of this world, these are people who can't stand it.This superficial life that has been created around them does not work.It Does not promote real health but profit, does not promote fairness but greediness,not love but confusion.
Read a few books see if you can find an answer; or will you just fall to the same pool of potential inquiries of questions unanswered. Coming full circle to being just as lost as you were in the first place.
Good luck.... Jesus Christ is the one i look to... He's with me no matter what goes down. He is more understanding then any one of us could be.

P.S Finding any truth to anything real has it's risks physical or spiritual; be careful theirs a lot of evil influencing a lot of people out there. Yes I've been using drugs alcohol and cigarettes from the age of 16 and I'm in my 30's now. Looking for something....

Serendip Visitor  Deanne's picture

COCAINE? IT IS NOT WORTH IT!

So you think that smoking, snorting or freebasing cocaine is cool? Did you know that it changes the brain functions? Did you know you could die from it? Did you know you could have a stroke if you over use this drug, perhaps land up being in a wheelchair for the rest of your life? Did you?

Congratulations to the lady who says that she will not stick around and let her baby be associated with the dad because he uses. That takes guts, and commitment to a child. Well done. The child will not be influenced by a bad role model. If the dad really loves the child, he will clean his act up, and go straight.

Drugs are really dumb, and users are even dumber. Your mert does not use does he? Now why do you think that is? Because he knows the consequences. But he knows you are stupid, because you pay for all his commitments. You pay so he can live the good life. How stupid is that?

There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a sunrise or sunset totally straight, the world is a more beautiful place without the drugs. I should know, I was an addict for many years, and have been clean for 16 years now. How wonderful not to be a slave to something that destroys your and your family's life. How wonderful to be straight.

Deanne

South Africa

Terry's picture

After a few few years of

After a few few years of hanging out with cokeheads and having a bit of a habit my self I do think there is just something not quite right about coke and what it does to people. I am sitting here saturday night alone watching dvds and i think its one million times better than being stuck in a room with a load of deluded arm chair rock stars who are so bored with there lifes they have forgot how to live without the help of what I think is basiclly a social steroid for loosers.

coreetta buchan's picture

nice one

Ok, I loved this email and really made me smile, hope you overcame the habit. It sounds like hell to give it up as your own choice.
I saw a little of evidence of this when ex boyfreind confessed he was a cocaine addict.
It really makes a shy person an extrovert. A silent person a loud mouth and an anxious person seem invinceble and immortal. I thought he was so amazing and smart but you dont know who is talking. Had a good job etc but had a string of failed relationships and I did supsect something was wrong. It is shocking to see the comparison in a person before they take coke and during the high. Theyve become someone they are not and medically addicted to "a feeling that doesnt exist". Worse still though the body really needs it so you can remain stable, anyway. Elton John gave a smiliar reason for taking cocaine. Realised my ex is a real immature coward with significant personality defects that he cant face so hey, cocaine made up for that until...... it wore off!

Best wishes for your future

Coreetta

Serendip Visitor's picture

Make drugs healthy

Here's an idea: why not focus grant money on making street drugs good/healthy for people. Why not focus research on removing the negative chemical properties from drugs. People have always done drugs, will always do drugs, so instead of arresting people and spending money on incarceration, spend the money on chemically engineering drugs to make them healthy while still euphoric.

Anonymous's picture

Cocaine...always there

I'm a 24 yr old girl, and I've been doing cocaine for five years now. I won't preach or judge anyone, because anyone who's kept a big deep dark secret during their lives would understand. It's the secret I carry everywhere, in the bathrooms of every gas station, bookstore, grocery stores, home, etc.
The truth is, even though it's taken and still takes every penny I have, I still love it, want it, need it. I don't have anything else in my life. I lost the love of my life 1 yr ago, and have since then doubled even tripled my usage because the loss is indescribable. I need cocaine to simply get out of bed because the depression from losing my love has and still is crippling. It's the one thing that keeps me functing despite now being a total recluse in my apartment. The only aspiration I have is to not die young and maybe see the love of my life again

Serendip Visitor's picture

Tell a doctor. Maybe try an

Tell a doctor. Maybe try an SNRI such as Effexor. It has helped me greatly and I have stopped using.

Anonymous's picture

my 2 cents

so i used cocaine and it is addictive and it has nothing to do with will power. i am a recovering addict and i am 16 so i have all the drive in the world and i am a functioning addict so im not a slaker or a lazy person. i have an addiction. there is nothing i can do about or any one else. in recovery they say that will power and your higher power are only 5% each. not putting yourself in those situations is what really stops the using. other people cannot just help an addict out because if they do it for someone else whe that person leaves they will use again. and their sobriety isnt based on what they want. when you get sober your not supposed to have a relationship for atleast a year either.
love always the cocaine and alcoholic LeAnne

Jim Johnson's picture

Thanks LeAnne

LeAnne,

Your story has helped me change the path that I'm on.

Thanks,

Jim

Anonymous's picture

coccaine

i'm a reformed addict,that still uses occasionally.i dont think its any worse than any other drug.but like any drug too much is detramental.the worst part is how much it costs.it also made me withdraw from life.lost friends.i also experienced massive paranoia.and hallucinations.it filled the bordom of life.4 years went by so fast.what made me slow way down was i felt like i was 80 years old.my body ached.i missed the things that made life great.sports,friends,money and family.

Anonymous's picture

The beauty of it all

i tried cocain and been addicted ever since it rocks.

Anonymous's picture

Some of the comments here are

Some of the comments here are fairly interesting. A few, from both the haters and junkies, were occasionally intense. I don't see much value in most of the comments from the people who have not tried coke. I thought maybe it'd be alright to tell a milder coke story from a 20 year old college student.
Well I started smokin marijuana at the age of 16, but never turned a heavy smoker & binge drinker until I was 18. To cut the story short, I smoked weed and cigarettes almost everyday for 2 years, if not I was sober for a week at most until I tried coke.
I was on vacation, in a city where I had a lot of old friends. I'll never forget the first night. I'd describe it as feeling excited to live, like anything was possible, like every conversation at the party was amazing to be a part of. But of course I fiended for more. I ended up doing a substantial amount with a several different friends for 3 straight nights. 3 more amazing nights. Fortunate for me in terms of addiction I only liked to do it with a lot of alcohol concurrently.
After the fourth day was like waking up from a daze. It was the same day I was supposed to leave this city and go home. Maybe I'm lucky, but instead of fiending, i felt stupid, disappointed, and shameful. I felt like I had woken from a dream, but this dream was shameful and eye opening. I couldn't stop coughing up blood and mucus from all the coke lines, cigarettes, blunts, and alcohol. I felt I wanted to leave this world of addiction, drugs, alcohol, and tobacco forever... even if it meant at such a young age during my college career where I might lose friends or respect from some people for doing so. It's been four months but I still haven't returned to anything else except have an occasional brew. It's a feeling & experience I will never forget, but also hope to never revisit.

Anonymous's picture

Mind Over Matter

Let me start by saying that drugs have been around since the beginning of time and will be here until the day that we die. Next let me say one more thing. Use periods and capital letters people. Some of these blogs were impossible to read. And no I am not an English teacher.
But let me ask one question. Has anyone ever heard of the term, "Mind Over Matter." People who become addicted to substances have other issues. Addiction to a substance in my mind is a serious self-esteem issue. People who are addicted to drugs obviously feel incomplete without them. And I feel like I am saying this from the first person perspective. I once had a drinking problem. Now I have the ability to drink socially without going overboard. Actually I am at the point where the last thing I want to do is to be around people when I am drunk. I would actually rather not be drunk. However, the problem that I had to overcome first was a self-esteem deficiency. Once I realized that I needed to love myself, I was able to kick alcohol. And we all know that alcohol is a very addictive substance. But I did not have to take an abstinence approach. I took a control over my self approach. A love myself approach. I get sickened to the stomach when I watch the show "Intervention" and just watch people's family berate them. That's the last thing a true addict needs.
I am a person who has tried many different substances. I have tried dip and chew. I also had a problem with drinking for a while. I currently smoke lots of marijuana. Also I have begun using cocaine. Having dealt with substances and having dealt with people addicted to substances, I would say that it depends on the person. Too many times we blame the drug and do not look at people's personal responsibility. I have tried smoking cigarettes to fit in, but I never became addicted. I used to play baseball and did the same thing with chew and dip. Nicotine is highly addictive. People can enjoy these things without becoming dependent on them. I will still smoke socially every now and then. But even when I do that, I find cigarettes to be disgusting.
All drugs need to be legal. Either that or we need to make cigarettes and alcohol illegal. And we know what happened during "Prohibition." People would go crazy if we started locking up everybody we saw in the streets smoking cigarettes, which are as addictive a cocaine, heroine and alcohol. Also we as Americans love our alcohol.
When you watch a liquor commercial it usually ends by saying, "Please drink responsibly." That same theme of partaking in substances responsibly needs to be applied to cocaine and every other substance. I would never advocate for going to work drunk. Neither would I advocate for going to work high. But what you do after work is your business. We do think of alcoholism as a problem, but alcohol in and of itself is not a problem. The same should go with drugs. Yes, if all you do is drugs, there is a problem. But if you can use them responsibly, or be a "functioning addict," then let people be.
And for those people who lose their families, let us not forget the importance that the families play. I see people saying that addicts are selfish. Let's not forget the selfish things that some people's families do when it comes to this topic. Many people will be faced with ultimatums. For example, when my girl first found out that I was doing cocaine, she told me she wanted me to quit. She wanted me to quit for no other reason than the negative image that drugs have. Plus I will not deny the harmful health effects. However, she is a smoker and should not be talking to me about harmful health effects. Thankfully she did not leave me. I was able to talk to her. But if she decided that she wanted to leave me because I was doing cocaine, would that make me selfish, or would that make her selfish. Would that make me an addict because I chose cocaine over he ultimatum? Now I am not forgiving those who get violent from cocaine use as I would not do that for an alcoholic. But all alcoholics and cocaine users are not violent. Nor are all violent people alcoholics or cocaine users.
It sucks that everybody looks to condemn and judge and never to understand. Never to help. Why should you look down on someone else who wants to do something recreationally? Everybody has habits and hobbies. And cocaine and weed happen to be mine. The problem is that people look down on these things and have been taught to do this from a young age. We associate drugs with all the other problems that we have in our society, such as murder, theft and rape. Over half of people incarcerated in this country are for NON-VIOLENT drug crimes. So it may be right to associate drugs with jail. However, those are the laws that have been created. I challenge people to find out why drugs are illegal. Why are drugs illegal but alcohol and cigarettes are not? Why are cigarettes manufacturers the biggest contributer to anti-drug ads. It's not about health. It's not about addiction. It's about big profits for big tobacco. Also I wonder how many people sat there condemning cocaine only to go have a drink after work or smoke a cigarette during their break. Ask somebody who works in rehab about cigarettes and crack, because they will tell you that it is easier to make someone stop doing crack than it is to get them to quit smoking cigarettes.
I probably could have made several points and I realize that this blog was not organized. If this were a term paper I would give it a B. But having read all that I have written I would like to end with a few quotes from the Bible. "Judge not, lest you be judged first." And "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Serendip Visitor's picture

Seem like you should be a

Seem like you should be a great debater !

Serendip Visitor's picture

You truly so Ignorant and I

You truly so Ignorant and I never get mad when I read blogs but I am angry after reading this. All you are doing is trying to justify yoursef and your BAD yes BAD habits. Are you an idiot? Of course we all hobbies and using drugs is not a hobby and it will kill you after it makes you very unhealthy and changs the formation of your brain. Your girl should leave you if she is not comfortable around that and you would be the selfish one and no too mention a fool if you chose cocaine over someone you care about. My father died of a heart attack that was related to cocaine use adn he too used it recreationally and was a "functioning addict". So now that my Mother is doing the same to mask her lonliness, NO I will not take your advice and let her be because I need her in my life. You can keep on doing your little drug hobbies and living in your own naieve little world but that "paper" that you just wrote is not backed up with anything besides you tryint to justify the fact that you hate yourself for using.Oh and your quoting God's words on a post like this? What you need to do is go find Jesus and maybe he'll help you because right now your living in a world under sin not faith.

mel chapman's picture

i know EXACTLY where you're

i know EXACTLY where you're coming from, your comment probably was the only thing worth reading on this entire page tbh! if that were a term paper that i was marking i would definitely give it an a+ not b. people whom have never tried drugs are in no position to judge, point the finger and are certainly not more important than others. i do not drink alcohol, simply because i find it a waste of time and money, and i do not like the, let's say "buzz". but i also don't like it because it makes me feel stupid, like i have no control over what i do/say. i do however smoke marijuana, cigarettes and use lsd. i know this has nothing to do with the article at hand, especially since i have never taken cocaine and do not plan too, but i feel so compelled to reply to your amazing comment. i think drugs are illegal because the government is scared of the outcome (and of course the health issues), but i think there would a hell of a lot less violence if it was alcohol that was made illegal and other things not. i find drinking disgusting, and drunk people stupid. you are more likely to have a car accident drinking and driving then smoking a joint and driving, in fact you'd be a hell of a lot more careful then half the idiots on the road. our prisons would have a lot more space for the REAL criminals out there, cops would have more time to find the REAL criminals out there, violence would go down, and of course it would eliminate the danger of buying of the streets, or buying something fake, laced or potentially dangerous. if the world was educated properly on drug use and not just told to avoid it completely, there would be a lot less "addicts" and people would know what they were getting themselves into. i'm probably just chewing up the same ideas we've all heard before, and that this probably didn't make much sense, but there is nothing worse then a bunch of idiots copying facts out of a book or off wikipedia and thinking it makes them know what they're talking about. and again, just wanted to let you know that i think you're amazing ;)

Anonymous's picture

and then you took the bait...

i was really enjoying your comments. until you said you smoke, drink, smopke pot and do blow. wtf? i agree that i think a large part of addiction has to do with self-esteem and i've been looking for validation i suppose on the matter. i'm a 26 year old 'addict', clean for 8 months now, two kids, only problem is i would like to have a glass of wine with my boyfirned when we go for a nice dinner or out of town. what throws me off about this comment is that you say it can be controlled yet you smoke pot everyday? and you've just started using coke? would'nt that be exemplary of a person with addictions?? the more i read the more i think i should just stay away from booze completely. it was never my problem, but as soon as i got loaded all i wanted was drugs. i just wanna be normal dammit. what to do... what to doooo....

peprico's picture

Smoke cigarettes occasionaly

Smoke cigarettes occasionaly and weed. I know a grandfather who smoked weed for 38 years and is still alive and well. Cocaine users do not live passed 50 years old.

irie princess's picture

bravo

I support you 100 percent. Your blog is amazing you hit all the main points...

hopefully one day people can stop their society blindness and open their eyes to reality

Markus's picture

Chemicals

Cocaine takes a lot longer to recover from then people suppose. Even if you do it just once.

There are two major things that happen when you take cocaine. You will strengthen the synapses in your brain that tell you cocaine is good... and you will alter how your brain uses dopamine, norepinephrine, and seratonin.

Doing coke once may not noticeably change your ability to enjoy other activities, but it has nonetheless. Your brain "changes" itself to want cocaine. Your use of dopamine may be back to normal within 3 months (after doing it just once), but your synapses are a different, much longer-lasting matter.

I have an example I like to give people: everytime you use your phone number (call home, give it to somebody else, think about it) you're strengthening connections in your brain that correlate "my phone number" with "555-555-8888" (insert your own phone number).

When you move away, or get a new phone number... how long does it take you to forget that number? Those synapses slowly lesson in strength over time if they are not used (this is why we forget things). The stronger the connection, the longer it will take to forget.

Years later, even after you've forgotten the number, those numbers will ring a bell the moment somebody says them or you see them in an old phone book.

Even if you take cocaine once every 5 years - you may not become addicted... but you've altered your brain. Each time you do it, your brain becomes more familiar with it and is less likely to forget it.

Weather or not this is a bad thing is up for debate... but the fact that this happens is not.

Cocaine is a very powerful molecule and it needs to be accorded a similar degree of respect. Using cocaine is not bad in and of itself, but I would advise caution. Any brain capable of adapting (all human brains) will be changed by cocaine - addicts or otherwise.

annonymous's picture

hahaha yeah right!

I for one totally disagree with the "coke is good" comment.
sure i mean if u want to speed up the death process than more power to ya! But that is not the way to go about it! My father is a cocaine addict and from personal experience i can tell you that nothing NOTHING good comes from it! my father tore my family apart because that shit was more important to him than his own family was. He lost everythng and everyone because he couldn't give it up. He lost his family, his friends, his house, his job, his life, evertything! And he still doesnt understand, he thinks,much like you, that the drug is no problem and just "Dandy" but you guys dont see who you hurt in the process, or see that damage you do not only to yourself, but to the people around you. you believe the world revolves around you and your selfish for wanting to do it and thinking its okay!

Serendip Visitor's picture

well said!!!! I have just

well said!!!! I have just left my husband because he has been useing for the past few months and I didn't even know! I have a 4 year old and don't want his life destroyed by this too. They are selfish and do believe they come first, even before their own kids! I'm not sticking around for any of it!

addict's girlfriend's picture

Different effects on different people, but can be catastrophic

My ex-boyfriend and I are a living illustration of how cocaine (like other drugs) can be used differently by different people and can have very different effects. I was a recreational drug user for several years (late high school and college), and did cocaine many times, among other drugs. By "many times," I will clarify that I was never a daily user or even an every-weekend user, but for about 3 years I probably did a substantial amount of cocaine at least once a month, and during the rest of the month I was doing other drugs, including other stimulants such as ecstasy. The drugs (of which, as I've said, cocaine was only one, and not necessarily the primary) DID have an effect on my personality. I tended to be very moody, often depressed, lack motivation, and my way of making myself feel better again was, predictably, to do more drugs. I was thinking about going to a psychiatrist because I thought I was clinically depressed. Eventually, a few months before I graduated, I decided to try stopping drugs altogether, and to my surprise, my moods did a 180, and my depression was gone, my motivation returned, I felt better than I had in years. Since that time, I have done cocaine maybe once or twice, never enjoying it very much, and I rarely smoke pot or drink to the point of being "drunk."
My ex-boyfriend, on the other hand, is an example of the other kind of user...the addict. He started doing cocaine when he was about 15, moved up to smoking crack when he was 18, and he is now 38 and still battling his addiction, so far without a lot of success. He's been in and out of prison; he truly does want to lead a "normal," productive life with healthy activities and relationships, and he works on that, through Narcotics Anonymous and with his sponsor, and everything will be going pretty well, then he gets complacent, something snaps, and he disappears on a binge that lasts anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. He can go from 0 to 100 in five minutes' time, and once he starts, he cannot stop until his body basically won't let him do any more. Running out of money is a factor too, but addicts are very good at finding ways to get more, and that's why he has done prison time. I have just had to kick him out after his last binge, following 5 months of being clean and going to daily meetings. He has always said that he doesn't enjoy the binge at all, that it's only the first hit that gives any pleasure or satisfaction, and that after that it's just a chase for as long as the binge lasts, but once he's under its influence he is powerless to stop doing it until he simply cannot do or get any more. It has completely destroyed his life, and I can only hope for his sake and his family's that he will get it right this time before it kills him or sends him back to prison.

In conclusion, I think the way one does it matters (smoking or shooting crack is far more addictive than snorting it, though I have also known coke addicts who snorted, though they usually eventually progress to smoking it), but there are other factors involved in addiction, including genes (like most addicts, my ex comes from a long line of alcoholics and addicts) and environmental factors (he had little discipline in his childhood and adolescence, and his father was actually a drug trafficker and he had access to huge amounts of cocaine as a teenager that he was able to steal unnoticed). But since we can never be sure of our own predisposition to addiction until we use a substance long enough and frequently enough to either become addicted or prove that we do not have that "addictive" gene, I would say, despite the fact that drugs never ruined MY life, that it is not worth it to experiment, as the author says. The reward is definitely not worth the potential loss--even if it doesn't happen to everyone, or even most.

Anonymous's picture

coke is no joke

Cocaine is the devil himself. They call it the devils drug. I dont know what it is about the drug that has this power to consume peoples thoughts, and lives. It truly does destroy a person. Im against it. Im no angel myself, Im not going to deny that I have never done it before, I have, and I liked it. But I got over that phase. Its not worth it. For some peole, its not that easy to just let it go. The man that I love is a victem of his addiction. H's a 43 intelligent, blessed, and successful individual who has been lucky in life. He's been getting high for 20 years he says. Part of how he's been able to support his habit was because of his carrer as a lawyer for the past 18 years. He's what you call a functionong addict who truly lives a double life. The past 3 years have been spiriling out of control. I have been a victim of circumstance. When he gets on this bullshit, I hate it. He becomes someone else, a complete and total asshole, a major prick. He becomes dilusional, thinks Im cheating on him, starts looking through my ceel calling every number, checking my voicemail, or when we have been out in public, he thinks Im looking at another man. This are his paranoia tendencies. I have pertaked in the use of the drug as well, but I dont suffer from addiction. I can use, and not have that trigger of want in my body. This past weekend, he went on a binge. I was not around. God knows how much money he spent, or the thousand of dollers he's made for his scum bag dealer.I dont know what got into him, but something knocked sense into his brain, TO STOP. Its about time. Im glad he's getting the help, that he needs so much. If you would personally know this man, you would think, what a shame,for such a remarkable human being to suffer from addiction. It couldve been a loyt worse, but it got bad enough, Ive never given up on him, and I dont plan to. Its been a journey with this piece of shit drug, and im glad, and truly hope, that its over. This drug is bad, everyones experience differs. I would like to understand it, in order to help him deal with it, to overcome this sickness of addiction, in order to LIVE. Im trying to save his life, to save his soul. People may not be interested in anything I have wriiten about, I just wanted to vent my emotions, one way or the other. DONT DO DRUGS>

Serendip Visitor's picture

Habit

Iwanted to raise what may be a common issue. I enjoy coke after work and it becomes too regulator. Iit doesnt affect my work but i do it once or twice a week. Cash is less an issue. I have.no idea on long term affects but noe i am 1 in many. Views?

Just me's picture

Gray area

I keep hearing the words "bad" and "good" to describe drugs. In my opinion, there is no black and white clear answer to this issue. Yes, it kills people everyday, but so does fast food and driving fast. These things give us an immediate rush of satisfaction and sense of well being. It seems quite natural for humans to feel some sort of rush or escape from reality every once in awhile. Our ancestors found this out before most of our other inventions. Native americans were getting high, the Romans were boozing it up, even Jesus was a huge fan of wine. Life is not easy.. Our minds spin and overthink... Sometimes we need to escape. Escape comes in many forms. Unfortunately, most are unhelalthy. Labeling choices as good and bad doesn't seem fair.. Unless you are directly harming another human being, I believe people should not be demonized for feeling a need to escape. Maybe it's not drugs or alcohol, maybe it's power and control... Maybe people get their high through cheating on their spouses or gossiping about others.. Sure, it's not illegal, but it hurts others. My point is, let's get rid of the labels an accept the fact that we all have a need feel a rush of excitement every now and then. There are risks in all we do.. As long as you are not hurting others, why does anyone care About the methods of others?

Just me's picture

Like every other substance,

Like every other substance, the level of abuse is totally dependant on the individual. As with alcohol, some can do it recreationally and have one glass of wine, while others can't stop until they pass out. Focusing on the individual person is the clearest indicator of the level of abuse. If one substance is taken away, more likely it wil be replace with another. There should be no black and white generalizations regarding particular drugs. We are all wired differently. You know deep down of you have a problem with a substance. When it starts to become a top priority, rather than something enjoyable from time to time, it may be wise to do some soul searching into what really matters in your life..of it's a substance rather than Your loved ones, then it's quite possible you may need to explore your decisions.

Serendip Visitor's picture

I thank you for writting

I thank you for writting this . I may and see how I did thie same thing to someone I care about. They are sticking by my but I may have changed some thins for good. I have a Question did you at anytime attempted to or have cheated on him to feel this way or was it all his dilutions

Anonymous's picture

Good for him, I only wish I

Good for him, I only wish I had the same strength. I've been addicted to the drug going on 6 years. I started out at the tender age of 16. People who don't have a addiction may never understand what it's like. I've lost everything I spent my whole college fund on the drug. Needless to say my parents were far from pleased. I've been through Hazelden treatment center 4 times. I've been blessed that my family has the resources to send me there. I lost my entire trust fund on the drug and I fear it's going to kill me. The last 2 trips I spent 6 months in treatment, and 3 in a halfway house. I had a great job, had my own condo and a nice car. Once things started going good for me something in my brain said "hey man a gram wouldn't kill you, your doing soo well why don't you reward yourself." (To help those without addiction better understand) That little thought is all it takes. It pops up when I'm at work, or when I'm shopping. You can only ignore it for so long until you convince yourself that fuck it one wouldn't hurt no one would know. Before I could stop I had lost everything, I mean everything in a matter of a few months. (I'm not trying to tell a sob story I just want to help people better understand what addiction is like) This is a cycle I've been stuck in for years, the drug has for ever and always changed me. I don't look at things the way I used too. I went to college on a athletic scholarship. (Then I only used during the off season) I was an All American from the outside looking in I had it all. But this drug killed me on the inside, once I had used up the money my parents had saved. (I used it for living costs) After a major weight loss and a teammate tipped off the coach. Got a UA and there went everything. This drug (even when not high) controls your every thought, any time you get money all you think about is how much can I score. I'm sorry for telling my sad, pathetic story it helps me with the try and stay sober. I just flushed the last of my stuff after reading what you and many others have said. I have a baby on the way and I refuse to be a drug addicted father!! If you have any questions please ask! And again I'm sorry but you have no idea what writing this meant to me.

Serendip Visitor's picture

dont give up

hey man i was reading your thing and i have some thoughts....first you say you refuse to be a drug addicted father. Well thats all well and good but it sounds like you are going to give up drugs for your child's sake. Well how bout giving up drugs for your sake. Do you remember what normal emotions feel like? Do you know how to be happy? Can you go through a day without feeling depressed? Humans were meant to be happy man, our brains are not wired to think about cocaine or be sad all the time. You messed up.. you did drugs for too long and now ur mind is not right. You cannot tell me that you are happy right now. But you want to be happy..everyone does..and thats the addiction. Since age sixteen you've been using cocaine. That means since you were sixteen your sense of happiness came from cocaine..your brain FORGOT how to be happy on its own. So thats where ur addiction lies. Your brain will not be happy now without cocaine. The reality is..whenever you decide to stop cocaine or any drugs..you have to expect the worst feeling of depression ever..its a fact. YOUR BRAIN WILL MAKE ANY JUSTIFICATION POSSIBLE TO USE AGAIN. you say now..i want to stop so i can be abetter father.. but before you know it..your brain will tell you, "i'm so depressed and unhappy i can't raise a child like this.. i need to be happy when i raise this child so he/she will be happy..i just use a little to be in a better mood for my child." do you see what i mean?? You have to realize that you will at some point convince yourself that cocaine is okay to use. Thats why its so bad for you. its been a year and a half since you posted this..i don't know if you'll ever read this.. but in case you do i care about you dude. I was a football player and a wrestler..u said you were an athelete too..i know that in an atheletes mind we dont ask for help we always push ourselves to accomplish our goals..listen to me now..you cannot beat this on your own. this drug rewires your brain so that you become your own worst enemey..i know when you posted this you were very emotional and eager to quit..but how long did it last before cocaine thoughts took over. You have chance to be happy...but it will take a while..and if you use cocaine just once ur delaying ur chances to be happy for years. People do get out of this just remember that anytime you want to use cocaine its not for any other reason than the fact that you've used it for so long..and remember that everytime you resist these urges your one step closer to happiness. I am sober and i never did cocaine.. you may say..you have no idea what i go through..or you have no idea what its like to be high on coke.. and your right..but maybe take a lesson from someone whose brain is not clouded like yours. Sober people should be ur teachers..you have to relearn life and its not gonna be easy. But like i said u will get urges and you will make any and i mean any excuse to use..but everytime you find the willpower to resist..your one step closer to happiness..and isnt that what we all want :)

Anonymous's picture

a little advice?

Brief History: I'm 26. I have 2 kids. I used to be a heavy drinker and cocaine user. I put my kids with another family so I could use. Not only did I lose everything, I threw it all away. It was the worst period of time in my entire life and I fear that posting this will only reak montrous comments from people judging my actions and thinking poorly of me. I was not myself. I had been betrayed by my childrens father and felt very low on myself and did not want to be a mother. After being in treatment a few times, having a serious change of perspective, i have been clean of everything for 8 months and had my kids back over 2 years, my real problem was that i just wanted to get messed up, didn't really care how, as long as I didn't have to feel the rejection and guilt that haunted me everyday. My life is very different now. I'm in university, i have my kids, a van, a place, a great boyfriend who doesn't drink much. But when we go out for a nice dinner at the keg or something, it would be so nice while we're waiting for our table to just go have a glass of wine, losen up with him sitting at a booth and just be normal. or when we go camping to sit by the fire and have a few. I don't feel like the reason i would like to have a few drinks is the same as it used to be. i used to wanna forget, get messed up. now i would just like to partake in some of the little things in life that other people do. does this sound dangerous to you? i've been to so many AA and CA meetings and i know already what they think. does it seem so unreasonable and so far fetched for someone to actually bounce back after being so far in? heelllppppppppp!!

Colin's picture

A little advice

Your story took courage to tell and I sincerely wish you the best of luck, if anyone attacks you on here they are ignorant and not worth listening to. I'm fortunately enough not or have never been a cocaine user but I'm concerned that my friends son who has recently started using it occasionally, and I wanted to undertand what it can do and try to deter him from using it in the future. You and others on here are brave to tell your stories and to warn others, a most kind thing to.

Between2lives's picture

Cocaine and families don't mix.

After 30 years of using Cocaine and trading everything in my life for it, I can honestly say that it is like no other drug. Cocaine only offers you a trade, 10 minutes of pain free living for your soul. You can use cocaine and never become addicted to it and you can use it once and be addicted forever. It's a gamble, a roll of the dice. It is a wonderful drug if you don't become addicted, it's a horrifying drug if you become addicted. Cocaine can allow you to connect to parts of your brain that you never knew existed, but it can also allow you to commit acts you never thought you were capable of. It is my strong recommendation that you do NOT experiment with it if you have a family. Hurting yourself is one thing, hurting innocent love ones is another. Cocaine can be your best friend, but it can become your worst enemy. Use cocaine at your own risk and remember there is NO lifeguard on duty. Don't be afraid of it, just be aware that it has a power to alter your thinking like nothing else. Cocaine is a different drug depending on how you ingest it, Snorting it is a waste, smoking it sucks, IV takes you to OZ....Be careful it's a long walk back from OZ!

hazem's picture

doing cocaine is

doing cocaine is fucked up...PERIOD....there is nothing anyone can do to justify it....look at the constant users of coke...theyll do anything..ANYTHING to get coke.....thats how u kno this drug is fucked up....and the fact that its addictive makes it soo so badd...

if i kno anyone in my neighborhood does coke...i swere to god i will fucken kill them...dont want any of u sick mutherfuckers around my family or friends....

Serendip Visitor's picture

your may not want an addict

your may not want an addict in your neighborhood but you never know how many people you may come in contact with that have the problem with addiction .people from all walks of life such as a surgen who may save your life or the judge or lawyer in the court system and how about the firefighter that saves a love one .yes they may take drug test and are clean now but they may have had experience in eating out of a trash can.these are some of the people i know and this all is fact .i to am an addict in realestate .when we were bad we were bad .good people with a bad problem now living a great life no longer livng in hell.not trying to change your opinion its just somthing you may want to think about.

Anonymous's picture

seriously dude

know what im a recovered coke user and you have no right saying any of this yes it is a fucked up drug but not every user is a fucked up person. its a very hard drug to quite and people like you dont make it any easier so fuck you!!!!!!!!!!! till you have been on this side of the fence dont talk shit got it. and some coke users are perfectly functioning and wont sell anything for it i know i didnt. so before you talk make sure you know what your talking about.

jake's picture

coke

ahhh ive been doing cocaine for 4 years now off and on weekend benchez and ive its ruined my life its made me do even worse drugs and made my relation ship with my girl friend and family "fucked" people dont trust me ive lost alot of friends and my all my dreams went down the drain...my boxing career desipeired with out a trace im now 20 years old with no education no trust and no power within myself to help my self and i use drinkin as an excuse to sniff coke i would say i only get erges when i drink but i would get erges and then drink just to doit and then just say i doit wheni drink ive had many break downs comming off of it and have called family member crying and freaking out becuase i dont know where my life has gone i try as much as possible not to doit but it dosent work well....i hate my life and know that i dont wanna die doin some stupid fuckin drug and missen out on the shit that coulda been but wasint and hurt my family so please if youve never tryed it dont try because if you do your a loser idiot like me and thats why im doin everything to stop this shit DONT TOUCH IT! thanks for reading and please listen to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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