An evolving list of recent findings/news stories worth mulling/developing into essays here ...
in June 2003 i was in a horrific motorcycle accident. i don't know exactly what happened because they put me in a drug induced coma for the next 33 days. when i woke up i had no idea where i was or what had happened. my mother was there to tell me what had happened and that i had suffered 5 major brain injuries. i had no idea what it meant or how it would effect me i just knew that i had to learn how to do everything again. it was like i was an infant learning how to walk talk eat and drink on my own again. sadly i can't remember alot of what happened. my mother and the rest of the family will tell me stories when i ask. some of it i'm able to remember but alot of it i can't. i'm able to remember almost everything up until that day. anything after it seems to be a complete blur to me. but i also know that if there is anything someone tries talking to me about sometimes it could be just a word or something simple that had happened that night that will finally help me remember. but again alot i'm not able to remember. but after i got out of the hospital my mother tried signing me up for social security but because i was able to function on my own they decided i was not able to get any help. so my mother asked me what i wanted to do. i told her i just wanted to go back to work. so she said ok. now i know we should have fought for me to get approved by social security. the next 9 years of my life has been what i describe as horrible. i have meet some really great people but i have also meet some real jerks that have taken advantage of me and used my memory lose against me. it has not been fair. i cannot keep a job. i used to love working in a convience store but now i can't. i just left one of the best jobs that i have had because my boss and i decided that i cannot be around people any more. i used to love hearing peoples stories and helping them out with what ever i could but know if you showed up at my work having a bad day it would completly ruin my day and make it miserable for me. i don't know why but i would be miserable from that moment on. i also learned that alot of people now adays are very judgemental towards what they do not understand. i have lost a lot of friends because they have no idea how to understand brain injuries. well they should try waking up like i did and being told your injuries. there is not much i can do about it. right now i had to move back in with my parents because i can't keep a job ,i can't make my boyfreind happy because he seems to care more about himself then me. all i wanted is to be happy again but i can't find happiness. everyday i just seem like i have no emotion at all anymore. and it seems like i have no one to talk to. i mean i have my parents which is great but i need some close personal friends to talk to. but i know that there are not alot of understanding people out there. but the night i found this web page it has helped me out alot. i have to read it a bunch just to rremember it but it is nice knowing that i am not the only one out there who is going through what i have gone through and will continue to go through for the rest of my life. i just want the old me back but i do not think i will ever be completly back.
Narrative is determined not by a desire to narrate but by a desire to exchange. (Roland Barthes, S/Z)