Original : Leaves – I don’t remember much from my HS biology class. But I remember learning about leaves and pigment and autumn – the trees withdraw their support, close/sever ties with the leaves… lack of the connection means gradual death, going out (for some) in a fiery blaze of color – colors that were there under the surface all along, only waiting for enough chloroplasts to die so they could shine through. Something like that.
Comments: prefaced with my memory – my incomplete memory of scientific fact as a lens (can you take this seriously?). Personification of the trees, the colors…
Re-vision: Seeing the leaving is forcing re-levating/re-calling studying biology and the changing of seasons in high school. Leaving is withdrawing support, severing ties. Leaving is lacking connection, moving towards death, going out blazing and firing color. Leaving is dying. Leaving is making space for waiting colors. Now, coloring is happening, shining though.
Comments: I think the original was a kind of half-hearted attempt at both rheomodic writing and "unnatural writing" - combining the intensity of death with pastoral/calm actions. So in the re-write, I tried to focus just on the rheomode, the action or the inaction, re-levating information rather than moving from one actor to another (myself to trees to colors), or assigning postitive/negatives to events that were occuring.