weather and feelings?
“I don't know. Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions” – Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye
I brought a lot of guilt into my space today. I felt guilty for not having yet finished writing an essay due today, guilty for feeling behind. I felt guilty for having to set aside time to sit when I hadn’t finished all my other work; for not managing my time well enough to give all my work the equal attention it deserved. Everything seemed to serve as a reminder of this guilt; the breeze that made my attempts at keeping my papers together futile, the people who stopped to talk to me reminded me of the distractions I allowed to take precedence in my life. I began to really think about the way we impose emotions in a space. I thought about the way I perceived the weather almost as a malicious bully, working against me. While I doubt the weather itself had very little mal-intent toward me… I resented it, and the almost playful way the wind would pick up my homework and scatter it across the grass, as if to tease my attempts at being a good student. What on earth are you studying for? I imagined the bully to say, giving some of my index cards a hefty toss away from me, and laughing as I scrambled to catch my precious study cards.
Ironically, the guilt I brought into the space soon found a new focus; I felt guilty for demonizing the weather. It was not the environment’s fault my work wasn’t finished. It knew nothing of homework or papers or anything I feel is paramount to my existence on campus.