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interloper's picture
Submitted by interloper on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 8:16am

You can talk to your plants all you want.
Sure.
If you don't water them,
They're going to die. 

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interloper's picture

Thanks. I like what you've

Submitted by interloper on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 9:47pm.

Thanks. I like what you've said here. I understand what you mean and it seems you read it the way I meant it to be. Nice. I'm not sure what would improve the second line. Maybe an ellipsis?

You can talk to your plants all you want.
Sure...
If you don't water them,
They're going to die. 

jrlewis's picture

I was hoping for something

Submitted by jrlewis on Wed, 10/31/2012 - 1:48pm.

I was hoping for something more spatial/less punctuation(al).  But that's just my opinion.  You've never made use of the space on the page for pauses or breaks within the line.  

jrlewis's picture

I love how powerful this

Submitted by jrlewis on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 1:00pm.

I love how powerful this little poem is, packs a big punch!  You are getting very good at shorter pieces.  The only thing that gives me pause in this poem is the second line.  I like that dramatic effect of the one word sentence.  If anything, I think maybe you need more.  Would you consider using dashes?  Or spaces?  Something to create a longer pause here.  This word is important, the turning point of the poem.  This line could be grouped with either the first or third lines of the poem too.  Nice ambiguity in a clear concise piece. 

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Narrative is determined not by a desire to narrate but by a desire to exchange. (Roland Barthes, S/Z)

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