Words

interloper's picture

You can talk to your plants all you want.
Sure.
If you don't water them,
They're going to die. 

Comments

interloper's picture

Thanks. I like what you've

Thanks. I like what you've said here. I understand what you mean and it seems you read it the way I meant it to be. Nice. I'm not sure what would improve the second line. Maybe an ellipsis?

You can talk to your plants all you want.
Sure...
If you don't water them,
They're going to die. 

jrlewis's picture

I was hoping for something

I was hoping for something more spatial/less punctuation(al).  But that's just my opinion.  You've never made use of the space on the page for pauses or breaks within the line.  

jrlewis's picture

I love how powerful this

I love how powerful this little poem is, packs a big punch!  You are getting very good at shorter pieces.  The only thing that gives me pause in this poem is the second line.  I like that dramatic effect of the one word sentence.  If anything, I think maybe you need more.  Would you consider using dashes?  Or spaces?  Something to create a longer pause here.  This word is important, the turning point of the poem.  This line could be grouped with either the first or third lines of the poem too.  Nice ambiguity in a clear concise piece. 

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.